Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Not Easily Broken

Sometimes when I am furious and frustrated, I cry. I am sitting at my desk right now, having just put down the phone, and tears like they're flowing from a damned open spigot are washing down my face. I'm not sobbing. I'm just infuriated and feeling royally screwed over by a certain enterprise and I'm trying to get a handle on myself because I have to be the calm, strong center for someone who is anxious right now and looking to me for solutions. I have to convey to this much-loved almost-grown person that everything will be alright. And it will, I know we will figure it out. But oh how life changes moment to moment and all you can ever really do is your best, even when your best falls short of what is truly needed. Today is not a good day. Today I feel fragile and breakable, twisted by my own fears. But I have to project assurance and the promise of everything working itself out in ridiculously short order. Fuck.

9 comments:

  1. i feel like i've been there, angella; courage; deep breaths. you--god knows--have the strength. (altho i know it's exhausting being the strong one...)
    xo
    susan

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  2. And you'll do it. Breathe and you'll do it.

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  3. I feel your frustration and I wish that I could just sit and cry along with you. Tears can help to heal, so let them flow. I have been on the verge of them for so many days now, too.

    Big hugs,
    Debbie

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  4. Angella, It has been a terrible day for me as well. Just know that we readers are there with you and I will pray that god will handle what else is needed.

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  5. if you feel overcome by that certaibn enterprise, that means they've won. and they haven't. because you're still here, you're still striving, and you know you're better than It. keep smiling. that's the best defense.

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  6. Someone said to me tonight, what's the worst that can happen? Once I figured that out, it helped put everything back in perspective.

    Please know how much I appreciate your being here, every one of you.

    Susan, i suspect you know how this goes. yes.

    Elizabeth, you're right because, well, what choice do we have. I kept thinking about your "Mercy Now" post today, the one with the line, And it was much, but not too much. It helped.

    Debra W, a good cry helps me get all the feeling sorry for myself out of my system. i was feeling a little sorry for myself today. but that's so counter to the head space i need to be in. onward. and thanks.

    Katrina, thanks for being here in spite of your tough day. i hope tomorrow is better.

    Candice, It's a different enterprise than you think, but you speak true, my friend.

    Thank you all.

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  7. I feel terrible coming in a bit late.
    I hate that you were feeling this way.

    sometimes life is so bloody hard.

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  8. deb, you're never late. that you are here is an unbelievable gift and i don't take it for granted. love to you.

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  9. Wow. I take a day off and kablooey! I am holding you in my prayers this evening.

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