Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I alternate between cautious excitement at the impending arrival of our new editor in chief and being just exhausted at the prospect of having to study yet another boss, to learn her quirks and hot buttons, to remake story ideas within her vision, to prove myself worthy of staying on. I actually love my job—the wordsmithing and active curiosity and sense of rhythm and imagery that gets exercised in the editing of stories and the working with writers and designers to bring the whole realized vision to the page. But I have so little tolerance for what is unknown. I am so eager, always, to move past the preliminaries, to stop second guessing and standing apart to analyze, to get to the part where I can just dive right in and do my job the best way I know how. To know I am trusted. I have a good work ethic. I am not afraid of working hard or long. I thrill to the collaboration of people who are doing more than just going through the motions. I pray that this new editor is fueled by that, too. I have been assured that the woman who is coming is a grown up. She's a straight up fashionista, a Notable Person in her own right. She could be really great for the magazine. But I want to be done with all the finding that out already. At a twelve step program I attended in my youth, I heard a man who was looking for a job say that he prayed simply to be useful to someone. He was coming back from addiction and said it with such humility. It has stayed with me all these years. I think that is the best thing to pray for when it comes to work. Let me be useful to someone. Let me.