Thursday, March 10, 2011
Actually I am angry and unsure, but it is manifesting as tired and sad.
We intuit so much, but can't actually know.
We absorb cues we don't consciously recognize. But the body feels the quiet cut.
We feel like shit and don't know why.
Tears brim and don't fall, because isn't it stupid to be undone by this?
I am still figuring out what this is.
All I know is that I am not imagining it. This is real.
And to meet it, I have to suit up, polish up the armor, fight the good fight.
No matter how tired and lost and sad.
I have been in this place before. I can do this.
And I will.
This is not about work, which is really good right now. Nor is this about my love, who has just helped me understand what I am feeling, and whose eyes filled with tears because even though he is a stoic, he feels it too. Tomorrow will bring a new morning, and even if it is still raining, I will square my shoulders and stop feeling sorry for myself and wishing things were different and I will do what's necessary. One foot in front of the other. Heart on my sleeve.