Love is the what
I remember the time when I felt most alone. It was in church surrounded by a couple hundred people. I sat there feeling invisible. I was going through a divorce and it seemed that day that everyone wanted to fit the stereotypical shun of the divorced woman. The thing is, it never got any better. I got better though. I left and never went back. But oh god, I can't tell you how much my heart hurt in those days.
Birdie, it's so true that we can feel most alone in the midst of a crowd. And it's also true, how wise you are, that no one can make us feel less lonely, we have to do that for ourselves. The circumstance didn't change but you got better. I am glad.Sometimes we just need to stand in a different place. Thank you.
The loneliest I've ever felt was on York Avenue, near Cornell Medical Center. I was taking a break from the hospital where Sophie lay and I walked up the street in the gloom, people rushing by and no one's life was like mine in that moment. I'll never forget it. Sometimes, loneliness can be exhilarating (like when we're dwarfed by nature), but other times it's terrifying. The existentialists didn't use the word "nausea" for nothing --
Angella, must give credit to the poet Cynthia Huntington for leaving that gem on my blog. We have an actual blue sky here in Seattle. It has knocked my knickers off and it isn't even 7 AM.xops. I stayed home today a mental health day. I may go see the new Tom Cruise movie by myself alone no popcorn or I might just go outside and look up. I have to add though that it's also 49 degrees here.
I think we all need to go into our hidey holes every now and then. Sometimes for me, it's more 'now', though. I think it's okay to protect yourself when you need to, and it's even more okay to jump out of the tree with our eyes closed, and enjoy where the wind blows us. Love you!!
Elizabeth, I think when loneliness feels exhilarating, it's really aloneness. When I think of loneliness, it's more what you describe feeling that day when Sophie was in the hospital in New York. My heart aches just thinking about what it must have been like for you. I wish I had known you. I wish I could have sat with you in a coffee shop that day, just sitting quietly if that's what you wanted, and I would have held your hand. xo
Rebecca, you're right, thank you! I have added Cynthia's name to the post. Your comments section is always so rich!
Chrissy, how i would love to jump out of a tree with eyes closed today, and follow the wind. I feel as if I have lost that. love to you, dear one.