Friday, September 21, 2012

Slowly by slowly

 

Of late, I have been experiencing the odd sense of being newly awake to the city around me. I find myself whipping out my Blackberry and snapping pictures, and wishing I had an iPhone so I could play with Instagram more than I do on my Touch, the camera for which doesn't compare. But what is that sense of awakening? It's as if I've been on autopilot, not really seeing what's there, the gritty beauty of it all, the intricate designs on prewar buildings, the posters plastered one on top of the other on plywood around construction sites, creating incredible accidental collages, the layered reflections in storefronts I pass, chaotic and ever changing, like the city.

I'm waking up to myself as well, finally paying attention to the aches in my body, and deciding I don't have to live with them, they are not destiny. And my man, sometimes I look at him and feel such a rush of affection, like we're in this together, still making it up as we go.

I had lunch last Saturday with one of my dearest friends, and over my almond cappuccino, with the cool September sun on our shoulders, it occurred to me that the way to trip myself up in this new stage of my life is to hobble it with expectations of what it should be. My friend and I discussed this revelation, picking it apart like we were in therapy, and when I left her, I realized that I had taken off a very weighty garment, left it neatly folded on a corner somewhere, there was no need at all to bring it home.



14 comments:

  1. This is a period of evolution and rebirth! It sounds like you're enjoying it. :)

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    1. Steve, I am trying to be present for it, which is the key, right?

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  2. I like this post. I like how you look at your city. I like that I wrote the complete opposite on my blog, but I like that you're not jaded nor afraid of new things around you, in every sense possible.
    It's great reading you. Always.

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    1. Miss A, that's the thing about this city. It is always new again. it will be for you, soon, too. love.

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  3. Brava! It's an exciting time, I think of it as a second adolescence, without the acne or the angst.
    love,
    yo

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    1. darling yo, without the acne, but definitely not without the angst. I think i'm wired for angst. love to you dear woman.

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  4. Reading this beautiful post, I'm jealous of that friend that you were sitting with. I wish that it were me.

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    1. Oh Elizabeth, you have no idea how often I wish I could sit with you and just talk. we would raise a glass and we would cry and laugh and tell everything and realize in the telling that it is all okay. xoxoxo

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  5. I like the photo with your reflection and the pasta and frames of the window and the old buildings.

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    1. Kristin, i love the layers in this photo. Thanks for seeing them.

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  6. Well, I guess that we do only have some much energy, so much ability to expend it and your energy has been freed up some. You can start paying attention to other things around you. I really like this theory.

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  7. Good friends are something, aren't they? Who else can you let carry your weight - even if they are completely unaware of it. I'm so excited for your awakening. I'm feeling the opposite these days and am hoping to feel something like that soon.
    Cheers to open eyes. xoxo

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    Replies
    1. Rachel, she didn't take on my weight so much as she helped me release it. But yes, friends do carry each other. I hope, feeling as you do right now, there is someone there to carry the weight with you. hugs.

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