Wednesday, October 16, 2013

What I know now


That's my son above, with his two grand-aunts, Grace and Winnie, a couple of weeks ago. I did not fully comprehend how much I would enjoy having my son back home. Our prickly relationship all through his college years certainly didn't lead me to believe his return would be what it has been—a chance for me to take a deep loving breath of recognition and gratitude for all that he is, how he has grown, all that he brings. He is a stalwart, unfailingly patient with his elder aunts—if not always with me, but then nor am I unfailingly patient with him! But we get each other. We finally know how to take a step back and start again. And there he is this morning, doing his homework for his EMT class. I remember the days back in middle school and even in high school when I was tearing my hair and couldn't imagine that he would ever sit down to homework willingly, when the tenor of my nights was completely dictated by what he had been assigned and how much reading and writing it entailed. I can recall the evenings my husband would stand at his elbow as he did math homework, repeating like a mantra, Okay next problem, Okay now the next one, to help him keep going. I never pictured this: My boy rising and sitting down with his textbooks motivated by nothing but his own desire. I don't know if I can fully explain it, but it is a grace beyond anything I knew to expect, which I see now was a colossal failure of imagination on my part. He impresses me every day.





12 comments:

  1. And how much easier life would have been if only some little angel from the future had been able to whisper in your ear. I completely understand this.

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    1. Ah Ms. Moon, if only we could peek into the future, indeed. It would have calmed the waters. Much love, friend.

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  2. This is a great post. It gives me a little hope for my own son who at the moment is causing my heart to ache.

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    1. Birdie, dear one, our hearts will ache, we are mothers, but they will be okay anyway. They also find unexpected strengths in their struggles. xo

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  3. I'm glad he was able to survive that school work until he got to learn what he was interested in learning. And when you are a little old failing lady, he will be patient with you. I guess he would not write on a paper that he dealt with conflict by being quiet, he must take more after you in that regard.

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    1. Hahahaha, Kristin, I love your comment. He does indeed take after me!

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  4. Thank you for this. You know why.

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    1. Dear Kim, and I know it will all be okay. I know it so surely. xo

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  5. You know this is making me weak with relief, right?

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    1. Elizabeth, that's good then! Much love.

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  6. This so beautifully written. You and your husband have raised a fine young man.

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