Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Bright Morning


I woke up eager to get to my computer, eager to start working. Lord, how I will miss this if I have to go back into an office full time. I have been editing for a new online publishing venture and I love it. I adore the writers I am working with, and feel so honored to be trusted with their words, they are such artists, so passionate about their craft. If only this venture could make me a full enough living, I would do nothing else. I am so in the flow when I am doing this work, so humbled and inspired, I have no doubt whatsoever that this is what I am meant to do.

Of course, I can be meant to do this, and other things, too. Like that job I applied for recently, about which I have heard nothing in response so far. I am still in a place where I can tell myself that if I am meant to get that job, and do work that relates to social justice (a dearly held principle of mine, as dearly held perhaps as working from home), then I will get it. If I am not meant to do that, then the universe will frustrate my efforts. I do think, however, that my husband and I are meant to pay my daughter's college tuition. So there is that.

I am also writing again, my own work, and I had forgotten this totally electric alive feeling, the brain noise gone, and in its place a dance of sentences, testing their rhythms, testing their truth, getting closer to realizing the possibilities of the work on every draft. Jamaica gave me this. Being there last week unlocked something in me, a sense of who I used to be. It reminded me of my history, the dreams I once had. I took them out again, those neglected dreams, dusted them off, held them up to the light, and whoa! they still sparkled.

So yes, I am writing again. It is better than drugs. I feel internally occupied when I write, more excited than at peace, and somehow full to the brim. I had forgotten.

I love my life.




11 comments:

  1. There is nothing like the feeling of writing when it is happening. I am so glad you're getting to live this life now.
    Thank you and you know what I'm saying.

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  2. Your words made me smile, inside and out. Yes, write, and write some more! xo

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  3. oh, golly, angella. you have no idea how uplifting this passage is. i am so excited from you. and may i also add, at the risk of going from the sacred to the profane, how fabulous you are looking in every picture you've posted lately of yourself. something is very right.

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  4. great editor, geeze louise. i am so excited FOR you...(but it's what's emanating FROM you, too!)

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  5. "Being there last week unlocked something in me, a sense of who I used to be. It reminded me of my history, the dreams I once had. I took them out again, those neglected dreams, dusted them off, held them up to the light, and whoa! they still sparkled."

    this is so on the spot, so beautiful, and so what i needed to read right now

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  6. Never lose that initial love. It will battle you for sure some days and it's strange to have to remind yourself that IT IS in fact something you love when it feels like your chipping away at an iceberg…. but happy journeys, happy life. yes!

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  7. This post was so good to read. I am so glad that you have found work that excites you. You sound like your in such a better place. I'm happy for you.

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  8. I am so glad to hear this! And I love what Shebooks has given you, and to our Maggie May too.

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  9. "I love my life." Yay to the Yay-th power!

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  10. Yay! I love this! It's true that when the daily grind lessens, we can re-engage with all the things that we love, like our own writing. I'm so glad you're finding the time to do that, and I think you're correct about the job application as well -- if it's meant to be, it will be.

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