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Saturday, January 25, 2014

Saturday ramble

I've been mostly inside my snow globe of a house peering out at the winter white landscape, but yesterday I had errand after errand to run, and a breakfast meeting and an afternoon one, with an appointment with my lovely doctor in between them for good measure, and when I finally made my way back home, I exhaled deeply and realized how much physical energy it takes just to brace yourself against the below freezing cold.

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She is 92. We talked several times throughout the day, but when I tried to settle on a recent photo of her to post here, they all made me sad, so very fragile she is now, or rather they didn't do justice to the spirit I still see in her, so I didn't end up posting a photo yesterday, but maybe I'll find one today that speaks to something essential and true in this slow decline that is aging. Or maybe I'll just leave it at this one of her and my children soon after my daughter was born. This was almost twenty years ago now. It shows something essential and true of why my children feel so connected to their grandmother to this day.


My son is back in the gym and his humor has improved accordingly. He and his dad work out together some evenings. When they get back from the gym, they call to me, "Your studly men are home!" I know I should go work out with them, lift some iron of my own.

While I was in Jamaica, I ordered business cards for myself. I described myself as a "Writer, Editor, Book Coach." The cards are beautiful, and should have arrived by now. When I went to check, there was a note that said there was a problem of some sort with delivery. I haven't yet called to find out what that's about. I'm deciding not to see it as a sign.


Above is a photograph of my cousins David and Paul, the younger two of Uncle Roy's sons and the cousins I grew up closest to of his four children. I found the photo this week; it was taken at their older sister's wedding just before I left Jamaica to go to college in New York. They are such tender boys in this photo. Now we are all middle-aged and yet when I look at them, I still see the spirit of these tender boys. It was so wonderful to spend time with them again when I was in Jamaica earlier this month. The bonds you make in a shared childhood can sometimes outlast decades of no contact. I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am for that. Here's another photo from that day, this one of my Uncle Roy with my cousin Anne.


It's snowing a bit again and very gray outdoors. Maybe I will stay in bed and watch Nashville on Netflix; it's a perfectly diverting soap opera, no heavy lifting required. Maybe I will watch season 2 of House of Cards (is it out yet?). Maybe I will watch that new documentary Mitt about the Republican candidate's 2012 campaign. There's a lot of talk on Twitter about it. Some people say it makes the man almost likable. I'm curious to see it.

My son is taking one of his hour-long baths with his Jambox playing Mumford and Sons and other artists from the bathroom. He is intermittently singing along. I love hearing his music in the reaches of our house. I feel more plugged in to the world somehow.


12 comments:

  1. Your beautiful, handsome, lovely people! Your son when he was so young- the same eyes, the same good face. "Studly men." Haha! Men are so precious in their little-boyness, their manliness.
    Happy birthday to your sweet mother. I am so glad she was born because one of the many good things she has done on this planet is to give birth to you. And so it goes.
    Loving you...M

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    1. Aww, thanks much, Ms. Moon. An even greater thing she did was help shape my children. I promise you, the good you are doing in the lives of owen and gibson cannot ever be measured. i know. i see it with my mother and my own.

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  2. That photo of your mother and your son and daughter is so remarkable -- your son's eyes are just riveting. I love these rambling posts -- so much to soak in.

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    1. Elizabeth, that little boy always was full of mischief and play. People used to ask us if he had an "off" switch. He was full speed or asleep. Not much has changed!

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  3. Your family is very fortunate in that you have lots and lots of pictures! Try not to stress yourself out about the j-o-b. Just keep putting out feelers and enjoy this period of relative ease. You're doing exactly the right thing. And no, season 2 of "House of Cards" isn't out yet. Comes out on Feb. 14, as I recall. (Dave and I tried to watch it on Friday!)

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    1. Steve, when I was in Jamaica recently I realized from what people said about me that I was always, always taking pictures, from the time I was a little girl. I have always treasured my photographs. I had albums piled high when I was a teenager and I remember I used to think that if ever there was a fire I would grab my photo albums and my diaries and I'd be good! So yes, lots of pictures! Thanks for the calm wisdom about the j-o-b. The worry habit is hard to break but perhaps it is one of the lessons of this period?

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  4. I love reading your posts. You chose a wonderful picture of your mother to share, so much love there. I think love and truth and beauty beam out of every picture you show us, and every post you write.

    I've missed commenting on your posts, due to life getting in the way, and would love nothing better than to spend an afternoon or evening talking about everything and nothing with you.

    I hope you go to that meeting Tuesday carefree and curious, and make some new connections that may lead you in the direction you want to go. What Steve said. :)

    Oh, we love Nashville. Very soap opera-like, but some wonderful music. We are also very enamored with the Blacklist. James Spader is amazing. And we can't wait for House of Cards to come back. Too many good shows, not enough time!

    Stay warm, my friend.

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    1. Mel, thank you for this lovely comment. I wish we could just spend an afternoon over coffee, or rambling through nature together. And yes, Nashville does have some wonderful music. I wonder if they are on sale on iTunes or somewhere? I should check.

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  5. I think it's important for you to first define what you want out of job before you just go back into the interviewing spin cycle. You don't want to get a job just to have one. also, congrats on the freelancing gigs! That's not always easy to get, but it does allow you the flexibility to do other things (like enjoy life).

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    1. Candice, the habit of worrying about money is so ingrained. Even if I have enough to get by now, I worry about having enough tomorrow. College tuition is no joke and I don't want my kids hobbled by too much debt just from getting a good education. I'm loving the freelancing, though. Wishing for more of it, LOTS more of it, to come my way!

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  6. I hope your mother had a lovely birthday, Angella.

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  7. I think watching our parents grow old is one of the hardest things in life.

    Your studly men made me laugh.

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