I was quietly an emotional wreck on the weekend, even as I pretended to be the stalwart older cousin, drawing up "to do" lists and helping to plan the services, fielding phone calls from relatives and crowdsourcing finances for the funeral. I love my family. Many members have pledged to pitch in, which eases the burden on my cousin tremendously. She is holding up okay so far. She and her sisters were with us for the weekend. One sister returned home last night as she is in a new job with bosses who are not very understanding. The other sister will stay on for a couple of weeks. She is a social worker and a therapist, this sister. She is kind and funny and wise with a good strong strain of the OCD that runs in the women in our family. At times like this, OCD can be a gift. I am so happy she is here.
She knew I was a bit on the edge, and she sent me a whole bunch of selfies to cheer me up. She knows that seeing her sweet darling face always, always lifts my spirits. She is so sensitive, this child. She has learned that she is a people pleaser, a trait in her for which I blame myself. But knowing the source of a struggle is half the battle. She needs to toughen up, it's true, and yet she is also resilient. Her quick sense of humor and appreciation of the absurd are saving graces, two of many she possesses. And so, after a good cry, she often finds herself having a good laugh. She decided to document the good laugh so I could share in it. My beautiful girl.