I haven't really been writing that much here. The truth is I've been feeling a little down and who wants to read that? I remember reading something once in which the writer described depression as a dull gray sweater she'd been slipping into and out of for years. I have been wearing that dull gray sweater for weeks now. Alone, I watch sad movies for the release of tears, The Theory of Everything yesterday, St. Vincent this morning, and I weep inconsolably over them. They give me a reason.
My Aunt Grace told me that the year before her mother died she cried all the time and she couldn't understand why.
I miss what it felt like when I was 26 and my love and I could simply go for a walk in the park and it would be a grand adventure.
I miss when my babies were small and snow all day meant being outside with friends, watching the kids whizz down the hill, so many of them because we were the ones with the good sledding hill in our back yard.
It snowed all day yesterday but today the sun is out. I feel as if I can barely stay inside my skin. There are people I could call but it feels like a great effort to be social.
I plan to watch the Oscars tonight, but first I have to get through the hours.
Photo: Art installation by Robert Montgomery