Thursday, February 12, 2015

Hello Thursday


That brain chatter is back, torturing me with all sorts of imaginings. The crazy thing is I have only to have the thought to generate feelings as if the thing itself is happening. Like when you wake from a devastating dream and for a moment you feel broken, sure it was real, and it takes a while for the vapors to dissipate. Except in this waking dream the vapors cling. Why do I always choose the most catastrophic interpretation of benign events? I feel bereft this morning, shattered by figments. I swear it actually feels like a fist around my heart, squeezing it to smithereens. I want to run away, not deal. I probably need to just sit quietly today, not talk, maybe immerse myself in work.


12 comments:

  1. Perhaps a bit of rest and some tea would help...You have been keyed up for a couple of days with the concern of getting home. Hugs.

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    1. e, i do think we sometimes underestimate what travel takes out of us. and it's been freezing cold and snowy here in nyc, which makes me just want to hide out inside. tea and rest might be just the thing but like so many of us, i need to give myself permission to rest! thank you, friend.

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  2. I surely do understand this. I have no answers.
    It will pass. Let it pass as it will.

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    1. Ms. Moon, it will pass. You are right in that. Someone said to me recently, don't attach to your pain, because then it will stick to you. Let it flow in and out, as it will. I'm trying to figure that out, I guess.

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    1. Birdie, i know you do. Thank you, dear one. It helps to feel understood.

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  4. Sending you hugs and positive energy. I agree with e. Some rest and a good cup of tea can help. Do you drink white tea? I find it very soothing when I am stressed.

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    1. Andrea, positive energy welcomed with open arms! And hugs back to you. My husband is a big tea drinker. I think we must have every type of tea there is in the house, so I will look for white tea. Thank you.

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  5. Do you meditate? That often helps a racing mind.

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    1. Candice, but how do you slow down the racing mind enough to meditate? I've never quite managed that. I think when I write, it is a meditation. It is probably the only thing that consistently gets me out of my head. Nice to see you, friend. Lunch soon?

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  6. I feel that the thoughts and feelings we sometimes have, that are out of the norm, really aren't our own, but our loved ones. I don't know if it is a spiritual connection or what, but I felt and thought things that were outside the norm when my Mom was sick and dying. My mother lived in Greece and I in Texas and I felt her. I had a similar experience when my Aunt was dying as well.
    I hope these feelings your having will pass quickly.

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    1. Drita, what a lovely idea. I think you might be right! My mom is declining and I am so sad about it, because she cannot get comfortable in any position. It haunts me to think about it, and so I push the thought away but I bet it is there underneath everything, breaking my heart anyway. Better to bring it into the light, probably, to turn the thought over and make it my friend, make peace with what is. I'm touched by what you've shared about your own mother and aunt. It is so hard to be far away as our beloveds' lives wind down.

      I'm so glad I found your blog. And you.

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