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Thursday, August 13, 2015

Hunger Games


That's Amandla Stenberg, who played Rue in The Hunger Games. She's all grown up, and such as badass.

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The houseful has run its course. Everyone is gone again, but for my husband and me. My daughter and her BF went to explore New Orleans for a few days, my son is off with friends by the lake, my niece returns to D.C. for the new school year in the morning, and I'm here, my husband at work, me at home, alone again.

Lonely is a state of mind, something within you that is not being touched, not being fed. It has nothing to do with who is around or not around. It has to do with how you look out at the world, the sense you make of it, the empty place inside you that you neglect to fill, because maybe you don't know how.

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I really need to get out more. Pour into myself. Feed my own soul.


36 comments:

  1. Ms. Stenberg is gorgeous. She is what I want to look like in my next lifetime.
    Aloneness versus loneliness is strange, isn't it? I feel so often that I am odd because I usually feel least lonely when I am alone. Does that make me a narcissist? I hope not.

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    1. Mary, we'll probably be twins in the next life because I want to look like that too! You are so far from being a narcissist. Trust me.

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  2. My most lonely times have been in huge crowds. My dream is to live on one of the many, many islands in the Pacific Northwest and be alone but not lonely.

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    1. Birdie, I sometimes think I live in the middle of a large city because I don't know how to be alone, so I'm intrigued by your dream.

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  3. I love when you write train of thought posts. Beautiful. And love Rue. I mean, Amanda.

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    1. Kimberly, I think I just miss my girl when she goes. Amandla reminds me a little of her.

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  4. Wow, she does look all grown up!

    Thank you for the thoughts on loneliness, I struggle with it most when I am not happy within myself and I often forget this!

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    1. HBF, lately looking in the mirror is torture, and yet it is the same face as those days when it is not torture. Internal chemistry can be such a thief. I guess the trick is to recognize when its in the house.

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  5. I often feel most lonely when I have a visitor(s) and they leave. The first couple days after that are hard. Generally, I like being alone. Strange, huh?

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    1. Joanne, i think you've just described what's going on for me. i miss the crowd. although i should really enjoy my alone time because more company arrives next week!

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  6. How true is this: "Lonely is a state of mind, something within you that is not being touched, not being fed."

    Sigh.

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    1. Elizabeth, I think I want someone else to feed me, but the truth I'm trying to come to terms with is I have to feed myself, be okay with myself, distract myself. I do think distraction is key.

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  7. Yes. Yes. Yes. The soul thing. The loneliness thing. Just yes.

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  8. Loneliness is often not a function of having other people around. As you said, it's more internal than that. I must admit it's not something I often feel, but I think I understand.

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    1. Steve, I admire that you don't often feel lonely. Neither does my husband. I would wonder if it was the difference between men and women except my son suffers from loneliness, too. My daughter, like her dad, is more able to entertain herself. I think it helps that you get out and do things with regularity. You make your own life interesting.

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  9. I think I have been grappling with being alone versus being lonely for most of my life. Grief makes it much harder and it does not seem to lessen with time.

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    1. e, the human condition can be a tough pill sometimes. sending love.

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  10. My grandmother once told me that the best days of her life were when we were all young and constantly underfoot. She liked having a familiar crowd around her, but other crowds where barren islands. I like that the crowd comes to you. I hate that you are sad when they leave.

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    1. Lisa, i love familiar crowds too. What your grandmother said rings so true.

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  11. My kids leave for school next weekend......

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    1. Drita, i know that scene, and the silence that follows. Enjoy them this week! And enjoy that they are off in the world, being productive citizens. Good job, mama.

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  12. Okay, once again I am struck by how quickly time passes and my unrelenting trajectory towards death. That sounds dark but like loneliness it is all a matter of perspective. There's still so much to accomplish. I really need to get out more too.

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    1. Gary, life goes so fast it's dizzying. But yes, so much still to do, see, experience. Thank you.

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  13. Absolutely. Get out and stroll around the neighborhood, take in your scene. It can be really inspiring.

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  14. It's a bit like that here, summer break is over.
    But I think there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is a fact, something which can nourish you if you allow it, whereas loneliness is more an emotional and possibly negative description of it?
    Anyway, what do I know, just words.

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    1. Sabine, I know what you mean. I relish solitude. I'm not so sure why sometimes it feels more like loneliness. I think it has to do with my thoughts about it, and the feelings provoked.

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  15. Hugs to you. So well put how you described loneliness. You need to fill your internal well. At least that's what my therapist calls it. It's a space where you find joy in the things that lift your spirit. Perhaps it is hanging out with friends you haven't seen in a while. It may be going to the bookstore and engaging in chat with folks that have similar interest. A hobby you've been wanting to pursue that you may have been putting off. It's there, that something. I know you'll find it.

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  16. You are so, so right about loneliness. There is more to say that I can't leave here on the internet. I hope we can meet in person someday. I hope you find something to feed your soul.

    And I agree, Stenberg is a TOTAL badass.

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    1. Vesuvius, we should have another phone call one of these days! It is good to have safe places to vent. I often find that when I vent my worst fears, they don't seem so fearsome, or likely, or even true anymore. Love to you.

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  17. I love you. One thing I believe, truly, is that the sense of isolation and loneliness comes from our side- it's never true that we are as alone as we feel. The remedy is to look in the right place- inside us, not outside. Those who love us are really in us- not just our idea of them but what's real about them- their truly existing selves. Our hearts are connected in a real way, even when our bodies are distant- or gone altogether. I know you feel me in there!

    Our hearts are crowded with those who love us- it's up to us to attend to them.

    Anyway. I hope you feel better soon. We all love you so much.

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    1. Dear Scott, i think you are so right about the source of loneliness, and indeed the source of all that we feel. It arises from within, from how we're thinking about things. I love this reminder that we are connected, and not just connected, but one stream of energy, one manifestation of love. You're awesome, dude. Thank you.

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  18. Find somewhere really quiet to sit (the middle of a forest maybe), and just let your thoughts wander. If you soon become 'bored' it probably means that you are prone to being lonely. No-one (and specifically I mean YOU) who has so much going on in their lives could ever feel that way. You are simply too 'cultured'.

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    1. Cro, I don't think of myself as 'cultured.' If you knew my mother you'd know the real definition of cultured. But I could very likely be prone to being lonely. It has been with me my whole life. The trick is to remember that is passes. And look at that, my house is once again full, and next week, it will once again be empty but for the two of us. life revolves endlessly.

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