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Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Then and now

I posted a photo of myself on Instagram, a black and white version of an airbrushed photo that appeared on the inside back cover flap of an anthology I edited back in the day. My husband took the picture. When I posted it yesterday, lots of people liked the photo at once, told me I looked pretty. I felt like a fraud. Vain and wishful and foolish. "That was then," I wrote in comments. I wanted to add, I sure don't look like that now. But here's what's weird: I didn't really look like that then.

So I have a question: Do you ever go through periods in your blogging life when you just don't know what to write about anymore? Everything that occurs to me seems silly and uninspired and I've said it all a million times before. Lately, my life just feels small. And I just can't seem to muster much interest in myself. This worries me because if I don't write here, how will I connect regularly with all you whom I have grown to love? I'm just going to trust this is a passing phase. And that not everything I am feeling in this moment is necessarily true.

19 comments:

  1. This is a passing phase. A little break may be all you need. I've been taking more time away from my blog to do other things as of late. Used to feel like I had to post something every couple a days to stay relevant. Not so. Going with the flow so I don't miss out on life.

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  2. By the way, you are absolutely gorgeous then and now. Don't forget it :)

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  3. Oh yes. All the time. And then I just write anyway, usually.
    Please don't think that what you have to say is silly or unimportant or uninspired. This, this place, is the story of you. And it can be no one else's. Ever.

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  4. I think most of my posts are pointless, silly drivel. It just goes with how I feel about my life so far.

    "It's that all my life everybody seems to be doing or catching on to things a second faster or better than me."

    Other people's post, including yours are so interesting and clever. Everyone else is so creative and have so much going on. For instance today I took my husband to the airport. Came home and cried. Did laundry. Cleaned the bathroom. Changed the bed. Watched hours of Netvlix. That's it.

    My point is that I think we all feel the same way but we are connected now and can't just drop off the blogging planet. I care about you and your life and all that goes with it. And I know you feel the same about me.

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  5. Yes, sometimes the well dries up momentarily in terms of writing. You just have to take a step back and relax, the words will come. And they will be beautiful.

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  6. Please, just keep writing on your blog. I know I am not the only who loves reading your posts! I hope uour mood changes for the better quickly!

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  7. For the first five years of my blog, I forced myself to write every day. (I took off only when I was out of town because usually I was offline.) I liked that blogging every day got me into the discipline of writing every day. I think it helped me notice stuff that was worth writing about. But now, I'm working on other writing projects so I only blog when I feel like it. I'm more relaxed, but I also feel like I've missed moments that I could have written about ....

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  8. For me, those periods are usually a sign that I'm avoiding my real self or hiding away certain things, on very rare occasion I've found myself in an inspiration drought and sometimes my depression saps my will to post, but even then I have ideas just no energy.


    It's a natural flow that is unique to each of us, so no worries :)

    The photograph that truly shows someone as they are is a rarity. I don't even see myself in mirrors very often...

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  9. I'm not sure about writing on a blog every day since I don't have one but you were and are just gorgeous.

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  10. It may seem small to you, but sometimes it is exactly what I need to hear to get through my day. Knowing there's somebody who sees that the same way, the kinship, etc.

    And also, the smallest of things are the largest.

    If you want small, my blog is exclusively now about this hellhound I just got. i'm obsessed. But it matters to me.

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  11. Oh dear, I think I know exactly what you mean. I feel like an impostor on my best days, and I've been wondering when I will ever get a new picture for my profile that matches what I look like now, only I don't recognize the lady in the pictures or the one in the mirror either. This getting older business really messes with the self image and the self.
    I struggle with writing all the time, and wonder what I could possibly say that I haven't already, or worse, am certain that everybody else is saying it better than I can.
    But. Please know that reading your posts is a pleasure, and and you have so much to say, and so many who want to hear your words. Write your way through the crazy, and help us and yourself along the way. Please and thank you. xxoo
    ps you are beautiful, then and now.

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  12. Do not be hard on yourself. You have had a lot going on. Breathe, take a break and relax. The muse will return. Hugs.

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  13. First: You look stunning, then and now, always. You writing is an inspiration. Yes.

    There it is: Who is there to judge our blogs, to deem them good or mediocre or meaningful? Who cares? It's what is in your heart and mind. And today, this is what you will write and we read it and we know.

    You are wonderful, you have a wonderful blog.

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  14. I think you DID look like that then, and I bet you still look more like that now than you are acknowledging to yourself. Just my hunch. (It IS a great photo.)

    I think we all go through periods where blogging seems effortful. I just push through and make myself write SOMETHING, no matter how lightweight or trivial. Sometimes I find that I have more to say than I expected. I think regular readers don't always expect earth-shaking revelations; they just want to know what's going on!

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    Replies
    1. I agree with Steve. If you posed like that now and had your man take another photo in black and white, I think you would look very much like that - give or take a bit.

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  15. I like all the small (and not small) things you say :) I'm with you though. I haven't really been an active blogger in a year or two, but I can't seem to shutter it because I would desperately hate to lose all of you along with it. It's become a community. You are far from an imposter part of it :)

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  16. I don't have a blog so I can't speak to the writing part. But the reading part - I'm with the rest who say it doesn't matter what you write about. Iit's not the content but the writing and the person writing it that matter. (I feel selfish sometimes that I only comment, not blog, but I try to be open in my comments so that my personality comes through as much as possible, even if it's like following a trail of crumbs through the forest :)) And that photo! I've seen your recent photos of yourself and why would you say this does not look like you? We are so hard on ourselves, no? But I see you in it, very much so. Perhaps an outsider can be more objective?

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  17. What an enchanting photo! How young and care-free you look. Why of course this was you, in that particular moment, in that situation and surroundings. Serene.

    --Irish Celt

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  18. You have 100% read my mind. Wow. I miss everyone but lately I am in my head with my thoughts with short blurbs on Facebook to satisfy my need to reflect with a greater audience. But I feel like a person who moved across town but promised to come visit. I understand. You are perhaps one of the ones I've missed the most.

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