I went to the doctor today. As I left her office, I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I felt sorry for myself, so hopeless. There is so much wrong with me. I have a long road ahead, and I wish there were someone who could just inspire me to set my feet upon it, but in fact, I must inspire myself. I'm exhausted already.
I saw that red door on the way home. I liked the shade of red. I felt a strange desire to go inside, to explore what lay behind those stone walls. What I was really feeling was a desire to escape myself, escape into an entirely new body, but not to escape my life, I love the people who are around me in this life. But I am so impaired. Some things might not be fixable. But I have to try.