The light in my house seemed somehow different this morning, as if I had awoken in a world that was not the same as the one I had gone to sleep in two nights before. And yet I was in the same country, only now all the masks, all the hopes and platitudes had been stripped away and the true nature of us was plain as the very day. Out on the streets, New York was dead quiet. People nodded to each other, bleary eyed and shell shocked. The only other time the city felt as hushed as it was today was on 9/11.
As we all now know, Trump marched red across the electoral map last night, just as he did in 2016. I felt as if I was suffering from PTSD. I went to bed feeling weirdly disconnected from myself and I woke up numb. I was aware of emotions stirring in the depths but they felt papered over. Occasionally one feeling or another broke through. Betrayal. Grief. Disbelief. The bitter realization that so many in this country just did not care about those who their vote put in jeopardy. Anger at the bomb threats in some 40 heavily Democratic voting precincts in Georgia. Ballot drop boxes burned with votes inside in the blue states. Hundreds of thousands of mailed in ballots in battleground states that never showed. Untold numbers of voters turning up to find their names nowhere on the rolls despite their having registered. So many such stories. Were votes suppressed? I have no doubt, but here we are. What happened, happened.
I sat alone in my house all morning after my husband went to work, the TV off, my thoughts swirling, and finally the salient emotion rose to the fore and it was sadness, deep surpassing oceanic sadness at the state of us, and the world we have bequeathed to our children.
My niece in Texas texted the family chat that she did not intend to risk another pregnancy so we better love on Harper all we can. And we will. But why did so many not care one whit about the question of Trump's character? One Black podcast host summed up Trump in this way: “He is a masterclass in white privilege. He can't say enough racist things to be a racist. He can't commit enough crimes to be a criminal. He can't fail enough times to be a failure. He can't say enough stupid things to be stupid. The idea of him overshadows any reality. The “Christian savior" who doesn't know the bible, the adulterer who f*cks porn stars and steals from charities. It's the promise of the protection of whiteness he represents.” That's part of it for some people for sure. Another part of his win is outright misogyny. In the end, Kamala Harris is a woman, and a great majority of men, and as it turns out, most women, too, were just never going to vote for a woman. Not Black women, though. Ninety-two percent of us voted for the Harris/Walz ticket. It wasn't enough in the end.
And now—a luta continua.
But I’m tired, y'all.
I might need a minute.
Misogyny and racism are alive and well sadly. I've been angry and sad all day too.
ReplyDeletePixie, I wonder sometimes at the reality we seem to be co-creating as a species. Where did we take a wrong turn?
DeleteMisogyny and racism are easy claims but not really the reasons. Look deeper and think harder if you dare. There is much to learn from the results and the broad diversity of those those who shifted right this round. Kim in PA
DeleteKim in PA, say more?
DeleteI think the economy (are you better off than you were 4 years ago question), unvetted immigration, weak foreign policy, soft stance on crime. Common sense, moderation, and problem solving seemed scarce, while lectures, insults, and condemnation were plentiful. That doesn't usually bode well in any scenario - whether the target is individual citizens or a former President - and Dems covered both.
DeleteAnd so, people become less willing to share with others, including pollsters, what they're really thinking and silence can be mistaken for agreement. I'm not really a political person but the swing far to the left and wondering who would really be / who really is running the show got my attention these past 4 years.
As a big and diverse nation it seems to me that we often try to "correct" our course to get to moderation. In the meantime, as with most movements it seems, we swing far one way and then far to the other. All while making incremental headway in our growth and development. I view all of this as a small piece of a very large, long range picture. However, I understand many don't seem to hold hope for our longevity; and that's only one reason I'm glad I chose to not be an atheist. Another is that I smile more and worry less. Kim in PA
I am sad and very disappointed too. I'm in disbelief that so many Americans can overlook DT's history. This is shocking. Never did I expect this outcome.
ReplyDeleteSusan, as long as I live I will never be able to wrap my mind around it. I did not expect this outcome either. I feel foolish for having had such hope, but if I had it to do over, I would hope again.
Deletemadness. The worst is yet to come.
ReplyDeleteLinda, my fear at what is to come is kicking up something awful. It's unbearable really.
DeleteI was guardedly hopeful...now? deflated and disgusted. Sending you hugs.
ReplyDeletee, sending hugs back to you, friend.
DeleteI can't stand it. I guess the US really does hate women. We never thought it would be a landslide, but I really thought she would win.
ReplyDeleteAlison, I saw a map of what the electoral map would have looked like if only women voted and it would have ended with more than 400 electoral college votes to Harris. It was mostly blue and I though, so that's why Vance and co. are trying to keep us barefoot and pregnant with children underfoot. They fear our power.
DeleteCodex: Strange. I was thinking something similar but it sounds too conspiracy theory and yet something about this just doesn't feel right. There will be a lot of political analysis of this, but I think it's more complex than that. Misogyny played a big role, some states will never vote for a female and I heard from some men that they switched last minute because they considered her a manhater (she is not) but she emphasized that issue too much. Tired too.Right now I am thinking that he's elderly and may not make it the entire term...I was looking forward to normal, courteous and polite.
ReplyDeleteIf he does not live through the term, what comes in his wake is even more horrifying. Think about it.
DeleteCodex: I have. Everyone's definition of worse is different. I'm also being careful; the internet is not what it used to be and I don't know what you mean. Number one is making life and daily interaction for women worse because men feel empowered through someone viewed as heroic. His connections make him extremely dangerous all of them self-serving. America's stability is tied to good trade relations and friendly diplomacy with allies as well as countries we don't get along with. Every decade in very slow steps we progressed. Now we are regressing. Number 2 is a flip flopper, not comparable to someone who wants to be emperor. He pulled troops out of the middle east, destabilized the region and there is war that has escalated and will cause more inflation. And so on.
DeleteAnyone know what Harris meant by stars?
Codex: There is a Japanese saying: "Now that the barn has burned, we can see the stars." I think Harris was playing on the same idea, that when things are at their most dire, or at their darkest, stars shine brightest.
DeleteCodex: She could also be referring to the words of John Lewis.
Delete"You are a light. You are the light. Never let anyone—any person or any force—dampen, dim or diminish your light. Study the path of others to make your way easier and more abundant. Lean toward the whispers of your own heart, discover the universal truth, and follow its dictates. […] Release the need to hate, to harbor division, and the enticement of revenge. Release all bitterness. Hold only love, only peace in your heart, knowing that the battle of good to overcome evil is already won. Choose confrontation wisely, but when it is your time don’t be afraid to stand up, speak up, and speak out against injustice. And if you follow your truth down the road to peace and the affirmation of love, if you shine like a beacon for all to see, then the poetry of all the great dreamers and philosophers is yours to manifest in a nation, a world community, and a Beloved Community that is finally at peace with itself."
Oooo am, I love that. What a beautiful reminder John Lewis’s words are in this moment.
Delete@am thank you, love it too. Not familiar with him.
DeleteDT has a tendency to disclose or betray himself, whichever the case may be. Countless examples. Thought that maybe Kamala decided to do the same.
Hardly poetry but a good mantra nonetheless:
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert
Listening to Kamala Harris' concession speech, I take heart:
ReplyDelete"...The adage is, only when it is dark enough can you see the stars. I know many people feel like we are entering a dark time, but for the benefit of us all, I hope that is not the case. But here's the thing, America, if it is, let us fill the sky with the light of a brilliant, brilliant billion of stars."
am, i took heart from those words, too. she looked sad to me, but not defeated. she rallied the kids in the audience before her.
DeleteI cannot believe this is America—that the majority are sheet-wearing thugs who hate so deeply and so very much. I will never look at my neighbors, co-workers, strangers the same way. Who knew America was so . . .? I am physically ill.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, this is indeed America. But it is not the only story of America. I hold on to that.
DeleteThis is indeed America, sad to say. It was unnerving when he ran and said things like, "I don't need votes. I've got all the votes I need." How can I not think the fix was in? But election officials across the US assured us that the elections will be the most secure they've ever been. I am deeply upset and trying to figure out how to move forward. --Tara
ReplyDeleteTara, I too remembering him saying that he and the speaker of the house had "a little secret" and that he didn't really need his people to vote, stuff like that. But you know, not a thing can be done about it now. So we have to figure out how to survive it.
DeleteI'm trying to process what happened yesterday but I am not having any luck doing so. I believed that maybe, just maybe, we as a nation would turn the page on that monster, but alas, ignorance, racism, misogyny, and Lord knows what else but alas we as a nation are what happened. We had the opportunity to elect a brilliant elegant woman who was more than capable of doing the job, but what did we do? We elected one of the most horrible creatures possible, a man so devoid of emotion, empathy, and intelligence that he defies what it means to be a human being. I grieve for our democracy, but most of all I grieve for what will happen to the women in this country. It's none of my business to say this, but I wish your niece in Texas would leave that state. She & her family are not safe there.
ReplyDeleteJim, the first emotion I was aware of feeling was grief. Like deep mourning. That was mixed in with the sadness. I'm just so sad for us all.
DeleteEvery Trump sign that I saw told me that whoever lived in the house behind it was proud to be a racist, a misogynist, an asshole, and an idiot. I stand by that. And now we know how many of those people did not put up a sign to tell us. They just voted.
ReplyDeleteMary, so many people who voted just didn't care about the fallout of their decision to vote for DT because they wagered the fallout would not touch them. But I don't think they judged that correctly. But you know, I might be wrong about that.
DeleteIt's not the majority of Americans that support Trump. It's the majority of people who voted and had their votes counted. I'm upset with all of the people who did not vote.
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering what we will do now - one day at a time. We can never give up.
Ellen, an interesting distinction, but yes, I agree with you, why didn't the rest of the people vote? Why didn't they care enough to try and stop that man? One day at a time as you say. The hammer hasn't fallen quite yet.
DeleteI spent yesterday in a coma-like condition. I cannot say I was surprised but I certainly was disappointed.
ReplyDeleteSandra, I was in the same coma like condition. I hope today is better for you. I suspect our horror of what has happened will come in waves.
Delete92%. We organized and mobilized and were loud. And others took a big dump on that, despite all their platitudes.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this sobering post.
Candice, Black women were out there trying to save America with everything we had. But not enough people had our backs. Be safe, my friend. We go on.
DeleteIt DOES feel like a parallel universe -- not quite as bad as 2016, in my case, but bad nonetheless. A "masterclass in white privilege" is a good way to look at Trump, but I think even most white people couldn't get away with what he has managed to get away with. A huge part of it is celebrity -- to many people he's still the gruff boss on "The Apprentice," and they want him to tell everyone in power they've blamed for making their lives difficult, "You're fired!"
ReplyDeleteSteve, I want out of this version of our universe! I'm sure there's a parallel universe where Trump didn't win in 2016 and Gaza is not in flames. Can I go there, please?
DeleteCodex: @37paddington. I think about your writing a lot and I hope I won't be misinterpreted. I'm tired and despondent so what I write may not be what I m trying to express. I've seen a lot of repetition in the last few days and people grouping themselves into "tribes". I'm also seeing statements that are wrong based on statistics that differ. DT incites, divides and conquers. That has always been his success. Already working when you think that this is white privilege. It isn't and I do not want to be lumped in whit that. I cannot make sense of how this happened a second time, maybe I never will. He's already affecting the whole world. So I leave for now with an MLK quote from your blog:
ReplyDelete"As MLK said “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”
Let's not let DT divide us further by being told what to think about one another.
Codex, I understand the point you're making, and appreciate your desire to make it, and stand apart from such "tribal" categorizations. Unfortunately many cleave to those definitions of self, some out of animosity for or a wish to differentiate themselves from "the other," some from a desire to stand together for protection and solidarity within a group that may feel or be endangered or targeted. It can be subjective or very real, this sense of endangerment, hence Trumps ability to divide and conquer, as indeed he has succeeded in doing this very week. But I hear you. And I wish for more hearts like yours, more thoughtful exchanges on where we find ourselves, more recognition that under the skin, we are all just souls, making our way home. Thank you for being here around the fire, friend, and for being willing to engage, even at the risk of being misunderstood. Do you write a blog of your own? If so, I would like to visit you there.
DeleteIn times like these, I look to the poets, and who better right now than Langston Hughes?
ReplyDeleteDB, two poets who are speaking to me now are Warsan Shire and Alok Vaid-Menon. You're right, the poets shine a light.
DeleteIt is truly incredible in so many ways that he could be elected, and some Christian whack jobs think he was literally put there by god. There will be deeply troubled times ahead.
ReplyDeleteDavid, I truly believe that the "Christians" who believe DT was put there by God are not true faithfuls, how could they be? They are conveniently cloaking their hateful beliefs in the language of religion and their hypocrisy is plain for all to see.
DeleteCodex: Well put. I am aware of othering and do understand the need for one's own community. Sadly, the endangerment is quite real. I'm not an autobiographical person, but I come from so-called white privilege in what the term used to mean. But my parents were very worldly, so my friends were multicultural, and it stayed that way.
ReplyDeleteSo when I am pigeon holed eventhoughits not directed at me, I, react. Especially now. I used to have a blog, very little about my personal life, science, humor the arts, whatever brought interesting people together. Thinking about starting again and obviously you are invited if I do. There will be ongoing misinformation in the next few years and maybe I can alleviate some of those fears. For now I thank you for your kind invitation and the warmth of your fire.
Four years. Deep sigh.
Codex, we’ll help each other through. It’s what we can do.
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7cKOaBdFWo&ab_channel=TheWeeklyShowwithJonStewart
ReplyDeleteClarity^^^^ smart!
Thank you, dear lady. I’m struggling with my grief too. So much opportunity for good deeds and kindness and relief for underprivileged and courts that uphold the constitution and responsible representation for citizens and on and on. Half of the voters said No, we’re with the criminal and we’ll back him up with the congress he needs for protection. How did we turn into this? MS Nell
ReplyDelete