I did this puzzle in a single day, in between bursts of writing. I thought it would be a hard one, but it turned out that every piece announced exactly where it belonged. I thoroughly enjoyed the symphony of colors, shapes, and flow, and while I was putting it together, my mind emptied. Puzzling is as close to meditation as this noisy brain of mine can get.
On the subject of noisy brains, I went to college with a kid who in our senior year was committed to the psych ward and diagnosed with schizophrenia because he was convinced the government was watching him through his TV. Yesterday I read an article in a reputable journal about the government activating an online program that can tap into the wifi in our home without our knowledge, tracking everything we do there though our TVs. Of course, there was already Alexa and Siri and our iPhones suddenly throwing up ads for whatever product we just talked about in the privacy of our living rooms, so I suppose this isn't all that earth shaking.
People say, don't overshare; watch what you post online; avoid certain words that will attract the crawlers. But also, anything you delete from your devices from all the years when it was considered safe to freely express your heart, mind, and quippy soul can be restored within minutes just by hooking your machine up to their machine. So.
Those of you who visited yesterday may have seen that post I wrote in a moment when the vision of what's coming was pressing in on me. Today I am working on becoming numb again, because I don't see what I can do to turn back a wave that is inexorably crashing ashore, but if you have an idea, do share. Until then, I will burrowing my head into the sand, figuratively speaking, and making my world as microcosmic as I can. I won't even wave to the bots watching through my TV.
____________
*Lyric adapted from "Maria," a song from The Sound of Music.
My dad used to think the lines of this song described me, for example:
How do you make her stay
And listen to all you say?
How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
After we saw the film when I was a child, one of his enduring nicknames for me was Maria. He used it fondly, if long-sufferingly, and I remember I rather liked being fondly regarded as a problem.
That's a lovely puzzle! As soon as I finish organizing all of the storage containers I have all over the table, I will need to start a new puzzle. Where did you get yours and are the pieces very small?
ReplyDeleteNothing we can do, they've had their eyes on us for decades. But puzzles help me. Puzzles and exercise, even gentle exercise.
Kristin, it's a Cross & Glory puzzle, and the pieces aren't too small, just regular sized, I'd say. If you search the name of the maker, you should find it. I rather like their puzzles.
DeleteShe is gentle. She is wild……She’s a riddle, She’s a child…. She’s a girl!!!
ReplyDeleteMissing my dad today. He feared for our democracy at the end of his life.
Isabella, you were his wild child, too! I love that. Your dad's looking out for you and your mom still.
DeleteFunny thing, back when I was a kid, I focused on the beautiful cathedral and the soaring music and the glow on the faces of the nuns as Maria started off down the aisle. Now all I can hear is, "How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?"
ReplyDeleteRafe, isn't that line so poetic, holding a moonbeam in your hand, i have always loved that image. I loved that my dad felt it applied to me, it made me feel magical. I recently watched The Sound of Music again. It held up.
DeleteIt’s pressing in on all of us who still believe we can be and do better. I too have found keeping my hands and mind busy is a small respite. I’ve chosen to return to my childhood and am building Lego kits. The pieces feel good and safe in my hands. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteXoxo
Barbara
Barbara, my husband builds adult lego kits too. He especially enjoys the floral ones. They are proliferating all over our house!
DeleteI keep promising myself that I will do puzzles one of these days. I even selected some beautiful ones in an online shopping cart somewhere.
ReplyDeletePlease keep your zen and your shit together. Once the sky is blue again, voices like yours will be needed.
Sabine, the thing about a puzzle is you can do a little or as much as you like at a time, take as long as you want with them, meander and dream. I hope you break one open one of these days. I think you'd enjoy it.
DeleteThe colors in your puzzle are wonderful. You would have been the best kind of trouble, like Maria.
ReplyDeleteDeb, thank you for that, we could have been the best kind of trouble together!
DeleteA lovely puzzle. My family nickname was "Aunt Blabby"! As a child, I had a habit of saying things out loud that weren't supposed to be said out loud! "Mom, why do they have cracks in their ceiling?" when visiting an acquaintance's home or "Oh Mrs. Ploss, you are such a nice fat lady!" All said with innocence and not in a mean way at all. I didn't know any better. So a bit off topic, but I hope I made you smile, Rosemarie! :)
ReplyDeleteEllen, you sound delightful, and I would not have taken offense at your earnest honest questions, what conversations we would have had! Yes, you did make me smile.
DeleteI recall the head nun singing this about Maria's problems...but Maria wasn't the problem at all; the sisters (and the system) couldn't quell her free-spiritedness. Perhaps your father meant this too? Continue to be the grains of sand in the wheels of the machine.
ReplyDeletedb, i do love that grains of sand analogy, enough grains of sand can ground the machines. And yes, I think I sensed that my dad appreciated the free spiritedness even though it occasionally caused him some headaches. He was lovely, my dad. The profile photo you have on your blog looks a bit like he did in his youth.
DeleteIt seems all I do these days is hold up my middle finger (mostly to news articles--since I don't watch any tv). Might not be particularly useful, but every little micro-aggressive vibe I send towards the m@ggot b@st@rds soothes me just a tiny bit.
ReplyDeleteMary, everything counts to keep ourselves centered and soothed!
DeleteBeautiful, sweet friend. I, too, decided today that I am going to distance myself for a moment or two. Or as much as I can. Doing puzzles is a meditation for me too. So is going outside and working with plants and dirt and trowels and the heat and the sweat make me feel stronger, like my grandfather when he worked outside and right now, I need to feel as strong as I can. We all do, even if that strength is mostly used to dig those holes in the sand deep enough for us to truly hide our heads in.
ReplyDeleteI'm holding your hand.
Mary, sometimes we have to step away and rebuild ourselves, especially those of us who sometimes feel so invaded by the world at large. I swear it takes me over sometimes, and then, I have to just stop and go into my little corner, and remember that I cannot allow myself to be destroyed, people are counting on me, *I am counting on me! Hugs, friend.
Delete"Today I am working on becoming numb again, because I don't see what I can do to turn back a wave that is inexorably crashing ashore, but if you have an idea, do share."
ReplyDeleteFascinating puzzle. I can't turn back an ocean wave no matter what I do. Knowing that opens me to the fact that I hold a single puzzle piece, along with everyone else, to knowing what to do once the unstoppable wave crashes. I know that "what to do" involves communities like this one. No effort too small to make a difference. Thank you so much for this community space.
am, this community is a healing place, so many of us here, from all different walks, giving space to one another, entering with love. It is truly something special. thank you for bringing your own loving energy to it.
DeleteThat is a beautiful puzzle and I am glad it gave you some peace. I read the former post on my iPad where I can't comment, and it really hit me hard. I had just finished listening to a beautiful rendition of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. many thousand voices strong, on the lawn of our Parliament. It was Canada Day and the group entertaining there got the whole crowd singing. I love that song with passion. It is so strong, so sorrowful and, yet, hopeful in a strange way.
ReplyDeleteAnd I ended up thinking this, that Sampson's hair grew again, that he broke his bonds and was himself again. And I also thought, America will do that too. The backbone, the idea, of America is too strong, too clean.
I worry for you. I worry more for those of you who are not in the safe cream float on the top of the bottle. I will watch for your posts and hope that all will go well for you and yours.
Mary G, oh, i love that song, too, i can only imagine what it must have sounded like with a thousand voices singing it together, i have goosebumps just thinking about it! Yes, it is strangely hopeful, despite some of the lyrics, it's the word Hallelujah, perhaps, a cry of hope, of salvation, a prayer. I put yesterdays post back up. Codex convinced me.
DeleteWell. They can let that kid out now. In 2010 Xbox was going to do that. The gamer community was upin arms. refused to buy the new 360, one console to rule them all....it worked. The last thing I or a parent wanted was some creep watching us on the couch while we laugh and play and tell inappropriate jokes.
ReplyDeleteYour old stuff is safe. Not that easy to do what you suggest.
Have a little post on creativity if interested.
Wish you'd left that post up.
Codex, heading over to read your post now, and also, thanks for the prod, I put the post from yesterday back up. Sometimes I feel so unsafe, but a post in drafts is not the difference maker that's for sure. Glad you come around.
DeleteFor Everyone
Deletehttps://youtube.com/watch?v=vyut3GyQtn0&pp=0gcJCfwAo7VqN5tD
The repetition helps me. There's nothing in your previous post that raises any eyebrows. Don't drive yourself nuts. Use anachronistic synonyms in the future if in doubt. This is your voice after all. My post is a prompt to do something creative that we used to enjoy when we were children.
Don't laugh at me, but I'm trying to do some tai chi, in the privacy of my TV room. It's not hard, I can keep up, gentle movements, it stops my mind (huge bonus).
ReplyDeleteIt feels like everything is out of control, certainly in the US, Ukraine, the middle east, and even here at home. I have no answers. I walk the dogs, look at the wild grasses and flowers, make some pottery, and then make supper. That's all I have right now.
Pixie, lol, i thought you were making a joke about the bots watching you do tai chi in the privacy of your TV room. Tai chi is the best, most peace giving exercise, along with yoga, at least for me.
DeleteLol! I thought the same. Wearing my Harry potter pj's in defiance.
DeleteWhat I meant to say is, you're not alone in feeling your feelings.
ReplyDeletePixie, we're in this world together, friend!
DeleteHugs to you, Rosemarie.
ReplyDeletee, backatchu my friend.
DeleteI think we need to bring back letter writing! But, me, I’m just thinking fuck all of them.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth, ah, more civilized times, when we wrote letters. Just the act required a slowing down and a certain interiority and thoughtfulness about our human lives. Machines are distancing.
Delete1984 turned out to be their 'how to' manual. We shouldn't become numb. That's what they want. So much easier to control us. But we don't have to be immersed in it 24/7. I just deleted 3 days worth of unread emails from the various 'news' that I follow. Today I'm going to focus on art or maybe start cutting back the gone by purple coneflowers.
ReplyDeleteellen, it's not becoming numb exactly, it's more about reaching for a kind of resilience, so I don't allow myself to become completely undone, completely hopeless, unable to see the way forward. One has to keep on keeping on. Art is a wonderful and radical coping strategy in the face of all this. Yes, make art. It feeds us all.
Delete