I took down the yesterday's post rant about our crazy, but thank you for all your supportive comments. As our friend Georgia wrote, "Yes, marriage is hard. But you have a long good story with this good man. He may be overwhelmed at the moment. Sometimes carrying on and waiting (as extremely difficult as it is) is the best thing the do." Her words gonged loudly in my spirit, and I take that to mean they were the permission I sought to lay this blade of worry down, to let it be what it is, to meet whatever comes, knowing my husband is being who he has always been when it comes to medical things, I won't change him after forty years, forty
good years on balance. I know I have PTSD from the emergency open heart surgery he had nine years ago now. We got through that. Whatever this is, we'll get through it, too. The lesson perhaps? Release the illusion of—the grasping for—control.
It did help that my dear friend Isabella came by for lunch with me yesterday afternoon. She being a psychotherapist by profession, and the two of us, mothers together, having almost three decades now of talking each other down from our worry ledges, had a good rambling chat about everything, the eccentricities of husbands, grown children fully claiming and shaping their lives, the surprises of longtime marriage, aging on the outside while feeling something else entirely on the inside, mothers and daughters, mothers and sons, the inevitability of the unexpected—it was all so gentle and true. I love you, Isabella! And thank you for my beautiful flowers!
Also yesterday, I had my final PT session, and noted to my lovely therapist that I had lost ten pounds since I began working with her. Yesterday she basically followed me around the gym, making sure I had mastered the machines and the weights for the routine I will follow on my own going forward. She made an adjustment here and there, but mostly we chatted like girlfriends as I worked out, and as we parted she hugged me and said, "Let's stay in touch," and I would like that very much. This is me on the day I finished PT after my hip surgery. I'm getting stronger all the time, and the man and I are planning travel that is quite far afield come fall.
Glad you had Isabella in your life yesterday. I was going to comment on your post yesterday but held back. I'm very much like your husband in that I rarely share my medical results/issues with my OH. I know why I do it and he knows why I do it. He simply can't handle unsettling news. Period. Suffice it to say it works for us, but I can surely appreciate your distress given the history.
ReplyDeleteStay strong--for yourself and him.
First of all, how old are you Rosemarie? Because you look way younger than me. I'm 63.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the physio went so well, got you back on your feet and made you stronger overall. Yay for physiotherapists.
And your husband, it's hard not knowing. I get so irritated with my husband too. We had a big fight the other night about everything apparently, including his fear of us splitting up because of my children.
My daughter is getting married next month, didn't let us know and didn't invite us. I was hurt and then I was ok with it, until he went at me for about an hour. Fuck he's hard to talk to. The next morning he apologized and said he just didn't want to see me get hurt again by my children. I said, "So you hurt me?" I think that hit home for him.
I'm seeing a counselor and my daughter is angry with me again/still? It's not new and to be honest going to her wedding would be a nightmare of drama that I just don't have the energy for right now.
I can't write about any of this because she has threatened me with legal action if I do. It's not good.
Sorry to dump all of this on you. I truly am glad you've got some peace now and that's what friends are for, aren't they? They listen to us. I'm glad you have a good friend like Isabella, and she's right, I imagine you do have a lot of PTSD around his last medical emergency and he's probably trying to shield you because of that.
Sending love and hugs.