I'm in a swirl of overthinking and trying to figure out potential projects, and wondering do I want to take on this one project just because it's a sure and fairly well-paid thing or am I safe enough to pass on it because it is unsettling, even disturbing to my spirit, and not in the good way.
The good sort of unsettled feeling is when a project excites and frightens me because I want so much to do it and do it well but I don't see the path there yet, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, taking the next right action and trying not to hold my breath. The other kind of unsettled feeling is when I think I should take on a project and it's mine if I want it, but my spirit is fighting it, kicking and screaming really—I don't want to do it, but can't articulate exactly why. Or I can, but I don't because I'm too busy judging my reasons, I'm mired in shoulds.
It could be I just need more information, I don't do well with uncertainties, with unresolved stretches or great unknowns. It kicks up such anxiety in me, such flat out fear. But fear of what exactly? I need to remind myself, I am safe. All is well. Repeat after me, Rosemarie.