Saturday, July 3, 2021

Hot Vax Summer. Not.


It's Saturday afternoon, the minutes interminable. My man is watching a Netflix series on the history of the Japanese Samurai, and I'm lonely and bored. I've completely forgotten how to entertain myself in this city that is pulsing back to life. The evidence is everywhere, the streets no longer empty, restaurants and stores no longer looking like stage sets for a ghost town, the sidewalks full of pedestrians and al fresco diners. But many people I know are still mostly indoors, the social habit reasserting itself by degrees. Three of my women friends and I had a Zoom call on Thursday night, because we haven't been able to organize ourselves enough for an in person gathering.

One can only stream so many episodes of a show, read for so many hours at a time, do only so many puzzles. Work is a reliable distraction; indeed it got me through most of last year, but I'm in a slow cycle right now, nothing feeling very urgent, no pressing deadlines yet, and I was the student in college who couldn't make herself get started on a paper until the due dates was breathing down my neck. Panic is a dependable motivator when paired with a work ethic instilled by parents who planted deep the message that you don't shirk your commitments. 

It was a scorcher of a week in terms of heat and humidity, definitely an invitation to stay indoors, and though it's cooler today, it gray and rainy, as gloomy as I feel. It doesn't help that the complex where I live is once again under massive construction, all the walkways being redone, all the grounds being relandscaped, all the brick facades and balconies being repointed. Fences are everywhere, blocking free movement around the once lovely campus, so that we scurry in and out of our buildings through mesh wire tunnels under scaffolds. It makes me want to scream every time I walk out my front door.

Of course I could clean out my closet or rearrange my drawers or paint a picture but I'm not in the mood for any of that. I'm not in the mood for much really. The only thing that really appeals to me right now is sitting down with friends I haven't seen in months, and catching up on everything or talking about nothing of great consequence, just mingling with easy and well-loved auras, something we might all be starving to do.  

Thanks for letting me vent, here. It helps to set down my disgruntlement. I've used up a whole half an hour doing it, and now it's almost dinner time so I can wander out to the kitchen and consult with the man about what we should do for the evening meal. After that I'll climb back into bed and read some more (The Final Revivial of Opal and Nev by Dawnie Walton—loving it!) or maybe watch a few more episodes of Younger (I recommend it for mindless, good-natured entertainment), and hopefully I'll fall asleep early and easily, my mind not galloping everywhere. 

Tomorrow will be busier. We're going upstate to a July Fourth barbecue. It's the birthday of my daughter's boyfriend, and his large extended family has an all-out, everyone's-invited cook out every year. They even did it last year, everyone in masks, though from the photos I saw, most people wore the things as chin straps or ear danglers. At least they were outdoors. This year, the man and I will join them. And then on Monday afternoon, I'm supposed to get together in the neighborhood with a dear friend and her radiant daughter, just because. Yay! Look Ma, I'm socializing!


15 comments:

  1. vaccinated, ready to go- but where? How? Why? My clothes do not fit, my hair is in need of a good cut, I have forgotten how to be charming ( as if I ever had that skill) I am sadly content with my own company. NYC is so peopley - I am sure that it requires a special ability to go out into it. I admire you and your abilities to PEOPLE. I hope that the party energizes you and gives you a boost.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Honey, You have put into words just how I feel. My son is home for a few days and last night took out his love for a surprise date. She has some severe food allergies so he lets her order so that she is food allergy safe.
    Today they have errands to run and I just couldn't find the energy to get dressed and join them even tho I am craving socialization it is just too damn hot to get dressed and go out there!
    Enjoy the birthday boys cookout and have a great 4th of July! Hugs xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ennui, that's the word, right? I get that sometimes too. Don't know what to do with myself. I'm not very sociable at the best of times but I do get lonely. I don't really shop anymore. Fortunately the yard keeps me busy in the supper but this past week it was way too hot to be outside. Today it's dropped down to 29C, so I don't feel sick to my stomach in the sun.

    I would be quite happy to sit and have an iced tea with you.

    Sounds like tomorrow will be a busy day filled with family and love. Enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hear you! We're in the house again today. It's hot, it's HUMID, because it's sprinkling with no air movement. We used to get fabulous storms every day that would start with a clap of thunder, a rush of cooler air and then a glorious down pour. Today I feel like I've been steamed all day. The cook out sounds like it will be a lot of fun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. With this new variant and reinfections happening, I am still at home and very comfortable talking via phone or zoom. I was never extremely social, less so now and have no urge to be around groups. I hope you will be safe and enjoy that gathering.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm happy to still be mostly at home too. I just don't feel hunger for socialization. We'll be heading out next Friday for North Carolina to see Jessie and her family and I am looking forward to that so much but the idea of socializing with a lot of people makes me feel anxious. The older I get, the more comfortable I feel saying "no" to things that make me uncomfortable. But I can completely understand how people who need other people want to get out and be with others. I think we are realizing now that we need balance in our lives and we are more able to define that that might mean.
    Enjoy tomorrow's outing! I'll be thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for writing this down and sharing it here. I have been thinking about writing something so similar on Dharma Bums blog. Life is so quiet these days. It's been foggy here so no reason even to run for the camera. Gray skies are perfect for the mood I'm in. But as I type these words it makes me wonder how differently I'd feel if the skies were blue and the temps were warm-ish, and there was no pandemic and there weren't crazy people doing crazy things that scare me to my bones. Wow! I'd feel so good. If only...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think this lockdown has changed so many things and people forever, and even now as we come out of it, people don't want to socialise in the way they used to. Enjoy the BBQ. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sometimes I think I've turned into a misanthrope after the pandemic. I used to be an extrovert but now I would rather be alone. People are exhausting. Oh dear me. Weird times we are living in, but we're living...

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh yes. I recognise every word of this, including the deadline panic. Canada sort of cancelled our national holiday - we are still pretty locked down - but we are also dealing with a national disgrace that is coming home to roost.
    But I have an appointment to get my hair cut. And the family can come for a meal unmasked. The 18 yr old got her second jab today. Yes, things are improving.
    I hope that what we take from this is how lucky we are.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm actually relieved to hear so many people saying they don't know how to socialize anymore, or don't have the burning desire to do so. I feel the same. If I happen to meet up with someone, I'm fine, but I have no urge to arrange anything. That may not be entirely the fault of Covid, but it's at least partly because of that, I think.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I work best with a deadline. or rather I only seem to work with a deadline these days. dawdling and doing nothing until the gallery called. I need to get over to the shop but the car is gone with the man and it's raining outside. guess I'll work on sketches instead.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Like Jenny, I too am relieved about being reluctant to socialize again. I'm starting to feel like a crabby old woman. That said, I've enjoyed hugging friends again so very much. Enjoy your get together tomorrow!
    Xoxo
    Barbara

    ReplyDelete
  14. Had a busy weekend with kids and grandkids here for a cookout. I am so tired that I will need an easy day today to recover. Socializing can wear you out!! It was great fun, tho! :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. The lack of easy gathering with friends is not what it used to be. Like you, I am craving this as well. Unfortunately, each person is coming out of hibernation on a different schedule and pace. So much for smooth recoveries. The B-day bash sounds fabulous and fun. Like you, I do not like construction zones of any kind. Recent wide board floor installs caused me to despair. Then there is the saw dust traveling through the air and... adjoining rooms! At least the floors are beautiful. Your buildings will be lovely too. Hold that thought.

    ReplyDelete