“While a fence protects the fenced,
it also imprisons the protected.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I'm traveling tomorrow and this always seems to send me into a tailspin. I'd love to be one of those people who loves travel but in fact I'm more like Anne Tyler's protagonist in The Accidental Tourist, I hate leaving my home. When I look back on the young woman I was, who spent the decade of her twenties jumping on planes at a moment's notice for work, I wonder who she is, where she went. I am full of anxieties today, despite a sweet night with my husband, just the two of us, our son elsewhere. Do you ever have a thought in your head that you know you might have snatched from thin air, but it won't leave you alone? This is my brain this morning. I don't feel secure. Where on earth did this core feeling of jeopardy come from? Where did this fear of accepting what seems true on the surface take root in me? My throat, my chest, are churning. That's how it feels. I want to jump out of my skin in the most literal sense of the cliche. And inevitably, I make up reasons, and wonder if maybe I'm not really making them up, if these thoughts I torture myself with might actually be true.
Sick sad whimpering puppy.
Well, I'll be gone for a little while. I'll be reading your blogs on my phone but I'm not sure if I will be posting while I am away, so please keep a light on for me until I return.