Thursday, October 15, 2020


I just heard on the news that two members of Kamala Harris's campaign team tested positive for the corona virus. Though the candidate tested negative as recently as yesterday, she will quarantine for the next several days out of an abundance of caution, doing only virtual appearances. Meanwhile the super spreader in chief is holding mass rallies in states where the virus is already spiking. I don't get the cult like following he has, the suspension of all reason. Is hatred of "the other" really such a powerful aphrodisiac? I suppose for some people, it is.

I did a different kind of puzzle from the usual beach, lake, mountain, architecture, nautical, and natural world scenes the other day. This one was an Olga Suvorova painting of a Renaissance court scene. I've long been drawn to the Renaissance. I devoured everything I could about it as a child, knew all the artists and the art, and felt a strange familiarity with it all, as if I was remembering rather than learning anew. I felt the same way about the Paris art scene in the 1910s and 20s, and was obsessed with Modigliani in particular. I wondered why the child of a judge and a realtor growing up in Kingston, Jamaica should have had such a hunger for those eras, wondered if I had walked those paving stones in other lives. Maybe it was nothing more than I was drawn to the lives of artists, who knows? Anyway, when I saw this puzzle, I was a goner. 

Apropos of nothing, here are three photos of me, all so different as to hardly be the same person. That's so much the truth of my life. I feel such different energies depending on the day and the circumstance, and I point the phone camera at myself as the moods shift, trying to figure out who I am being today.

The first is the public me, the woman who shows up when forced to behave like a socialized human. The second is me on a day last week when I left my house to do a Zoom conference call for work, which I couldn't do at home because of incessant hammering and drilling in the apartment above me, so there I was sitting on a bench beneath balconies on a chilly Fall day, masked and as I recall, sort of miserable. In the last I am happy under the covers on Tuesday just past, rain drumming on the windows, and me working as it happens. I have been hired to edit a novel by a wonderful writer, but first I get to curl up and just read the work for the pure pleasure of it. That last one is the me I wish I could be everywhere, but as soon as the world sets its eyes on me, I feel awkward and ungainly in my body. It has always been that way, so I can't blame latter day structural impairments that have me limping and rocking as I move, and so, of necessity, I have learned to carry on, a smile on my lips, sincere and hopeful, impersonating said socialized human.

Today? I think I'm going to take my folding chair to the park and sit under a tree and read and revel in the fact that that I get to do work in such a setting. Happy Thursday, dear ones. Thanks for meandering with me here.


  1. You're such a beautiful lady. Love the photos and love the puzzle too.

    I've never liked my body either. I keep working on it and I do try but it's hard. I think for women, it doesn't matter what our bodies look like, we're still taught to not accept them, taught to always compare ourselves to others. I can't speak for men and their experience but this has been my experience.

    I was too tall, too skinny, too flat chested, shoulders too narrow, hips too bony, unacceptable in some way. I also have a crooked face thanks to Bell's palsy when I was young. Sigh. Now I have to learn to love this same old body, plus the wrinkles and the weight that I've gained as I've aged.

    So both of us need a kick in the ass and learn to love ourselves, as we are:)

    When you figure that out, let me know please.

    Stay safe my friend.

  2. And thank you for bringing us along, dearheart. You are spectacularly beautiful. I wish you knew that.

  3. P.S. I would do that puzzle. Well, I would TRY to do that puzzle. It's amazing!

  4. All three of you are wonderful. What is the company that made that amazing puzzle? I have a dear friend who is a puzzler and she would love a copy of it if I can find it.
    I, too, am puzzled by Trump's fanatic following. I speculate that it stems from his TV show and people's inclination to make fiction into fact when watching it. The fiction was that he was this great business man who knew how to pass the magic on.

    1. Hi Mary, it’s from Pomegranate Puzzles. They make puzzles from a wide variety of artworks. They’re quite beautiful. I hope your friend enjoys them!

    2. Thank you!!! I will hope I can order it for her. It is lovely.

    3. That particular one is out of stock but there is a fine choice of similar ones. I was not aware of this artist, so I have to thank you twice.

  5. What an accomplishment -that puzzle!! Once it is together, what do you do with it?
    You have beautiful teeth!! Of course i would notice, and you have a shining , pleasing countenance . Beauty with beautiful children, I am so happy that you are in this world at the same time that I am in this world!

  6. Although you have changing moods and appear to change from photo to photo, what remains steady is something in your writing voice that I think of as your true self. I can almost hear it when I read your words. There is also an essence of you, a beautiful light, that is consistent in the photos of you from your childhood to this day. If only we could see ourselves as those who love us see us.

    Lovely to spend time with that puzzle, thinking about the lives and times of artists.

  7. I love the dreamy look in your eyes in the under the covers shot. That is a pretty damn magnificent puzzle! Much love.

  8. What a great puzzle! So beautiful! And as you said, so different from the landscapes one usually sees. My fingers are crossed for Kamala.

    So great to see photos of you, too! I feel like I look basically the same in all my pictures.

    Kwame says hi, BTW. :)

  9. Great to catch up on your recent posts. All of these photos made me smile...

  10. your beauty shines out of all three photos. love the puzzle. I'm a big jigsaw puzzle fan. I saw an advert yesterday for puzzles of the sun, the earth from space, and the moon, all three round. the way felt about the Renaissance when you first discovered is the way I felt about ancient Egypt when I first discovered it when I was about 13 or 14. I'm sure I lived then.

  11. You are lovely in all of your pictures! You are such an accomplished woman with a busy, happy life! Thanks for sharing yourself with me!

  12. That puzzle is spectacular. It's so detailed and beautiful. I love that you put it together. Wow!
    You look so lovely and beautiful in all the photos. It's nice to see all the multi-dimensions of you.

  13. You take such a beautiful photo/selfie. When you edit, is it all on line, or do you work on paper?

  14. I love all the photos of you. :)

    That jigsaw looks very unusual and interesting to do. I hate jigsaws with lots of blue sky or sea. Very boring.