Wednesday, June 28, 2023

It's been a week


First, there was the frightening news last Tuesday that one of my daughter's friends since they were four had collapsed while riding his bike and the hospital, unable to revive him, had to put him in an induced coma and on a ventilator. All the kids and their parents gathered and prayed, even the agnostics and atheists among us. We prayed that when our boy woke up, his brain would be undamaged despite the length of time it had been without oxygen. And we prayed for his parents, our friends, unable to imagine what they were going through. Two days later, when the doctors stopped administering the coma medicine, our boy did wake up, and though he could not recall what had happened, he was otherwise completely himself. God, we exhaled. He will now need a device implanted in his chest to regulate the beating of his heart, as that was the cause of the terror. He will also have to undergo weeks of physical therapy, but he's going to fine.

Just as I was breathing normally again, on Sunday came the news that my niece and goddaughter who lives in Yellowknife in the far north of Canada, had died in a car accident overnight. Drunk driver with no license. She had been traveling home from spending a few joyful days with family in Halifax and Vancouver, driving through Alberta on the way back to Yellowknife with her partner of 14 years. They’d been together since she was 19. She had just earned her masters in social work, they'd just bought a house, everything was in a good place. Her love was driving, their dog between them. The impact came on the passenger side. My niece sustained massive trauma and died at the scene. Her love suffered a broken arm and a shattered life. My niece's mom and sisters and his parents flew to him in Edmonton, where he had been transported so that a well-equipped hospital could perform needed surgery. I have no idea what comes next for a family that is now so broken. "It doesn't seem real," her sister told me. "Everybody else lived. Why didn't Christine live, too?"

Is it obscene to also celebrate what's happy? This week my daughter and her love texted the family chat that they'd picked a wedding date in July 2024 and settled on their dream venue, so now everything on that front is becoming real. I imagine the news of the week made them decide not to waste time, to embrace the good and give their loved ones some joy to look forward to, reasons to dance.

The image here is a digital piece by artist Nettie Beatrice, posted for no reason other than I love the colors. Everyone here is reeling. Hold your loved ones close.


16 comments:

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss ... for a loss to all of us, in truth, when a skilled and cherished young person is taken from this world too soon. Canada needs to tighten up on drinking and driving, too, just in passing. Maybe this tragedy will help.

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  2. There are no words, I am so sorry for you family's loss and near loss.

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  3. Oh my heart... these two stories took my breath away and filled my eyes with tears. So wonderful that your daughter's friend awakened from the coma and was completely himself. But the story of your niece/god-daughter is so heartbreaking. We just never know what can happen from one second to the next. That's why we have to hold our loved ones close so that they always know how loved they are. Always. I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so happy for your daughter and her love's news that they picked a wedding date. Yes, hold your loved ones close.

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  4. Amen, amen, amen. Tell the ones you love them. Never leave without hugging them. Kiss them too. Let them know you're thinking of them if they are far away. Do not take any of them for granted. As Lily's tattoo says- We don't always have tomorrow.
    I am so very sorry. Honestly, there is nothing to be learned from such a tragedy except that one- hold your beloveds close. My heart goes out to all of those who loved your goddaughter.
    And thank goodness for medical science that could treat your daughter's friend. From despair to joy.
    And now your daughter is going to be so busy, figuring out her wedding! I know it's going to be beautiful and what an amazing thing it will be for you- her mama- to be a part of.
    Love to all.
    And by the way- I love that image by Nettie Beatrice. The colors are beyond gorgeous.

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  5. I am so sorry for the loss of your niece and goddaughter. Such promise -- gone. And her partner, as you say, now living in a shattered life. There is such random pain and unfairness in life, it's hard to find a way through it.

    And it is not at all wrong to hold grief in one hand and joy in the other. I'm glad that your daughter's friend is going to be okay, and that you have the happiness of your daughter's marriage to look ahead to. Hugs, my friend.

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  6. The image from Nettie Beatrice fills my heart with the joy of life and color and mother/daughter/niece/goddaughter by her side , traveling...the perfect dream, the perfect relationship.
    worst news of a tragedy, avoidable, unforgivable. I am so sorry for your family , for her family. And the lad at the top of the page! You know that saying that The lord does not give you more than you can handle? I call bullshit on that one! Love to you , hugs.

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  7. So much to process. My heartfelt sympathies.

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  8. I'm glad your daughter's friend has a pacemaker now (I'm assuming it's a pacemaker). Also thankful that he is recovering.
    And your neice, I'm so sorry. Life is filled with so much sorrow, isn't it? Sending hugs and love to you and your family. I'm assuming they flew your neice's partner to the Univeristy of Edmonton Hospital, it's an excellent hospital and he's in good hands.

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  9. I am sorry about the tragedy that has suddenly come in to your family. Sending my heartfelt sympathies on Christine's passing. A young vital woman living her wonderful life, suddenly cut short is very sad. Life is filled with unknowns and we must live each day to the fullest as there are no guarantees for tomorrow. I am happy for your daughter and her love. You must be very excited about the upcoming wedding.

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  10. Oh my god. I am so sorry to hear this devastating news. I send you so much love -- and all of your beloved family.

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  11. Oh, I am so sorry about your niece. So much love your way, through the ether.

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  12. Oh, I am so sorry to hear about these tragedies. Such a roller coaster of emotions for you to handle right now. Hope the love surrounding you will bring you comfort and peace.

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  13. The yin and yang of life. What devastating news about your niece. I'm so very sorry. I'm glad your daughter's friend is going to be okay and that you have the exciting wedding plans to look forward to.

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  14. Oh honey. Sending love, Rebecca

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  15. one tragedy, one near tragedy, and one hopeful celebration of life. so sorry to hear about the unnecessary death of your niece and goddaughter.

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  16. Somehow I missed this post. So sorry about your niece. What horrible news. Yes, as a college friend's grandmother used to always say in her thick New York accent, "You nevah know."

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