I'm in a dark place this evening. Slammed into a negative thought loop, spiraling down, unable to interrupt the things my brain is telling me about myself, unable to breathe a full breath, unable to climb out of the hole, to find my way back to the sun. It was such a small thing that sent me spinning, such a tiny thing, a moment, yet it cut me to the quick, rocked me back on my heels, and now I'm spinning, spiraling, trying to write my way out of the murkiness, trying to grasp that all of it is just story anyway, hell none of this might even be real, all the same anyone who says you can choose your thoughts is propagating a damn lie, because why on earth would I choose this this this.
Sending love to you in that dark place.
ReplyDeleteSending you love and light. It is already in you, and I know that you will find it and the beams will brighten the dark place.
ReplyDeleteHave you told your husband how you're feeling?
ReplyDeleteKristin Cleage
Oh Darlin' it is not about "choice". It is about being a woman, being hormonal or the lack of, being empathetic, feeling the feels, being a mother, all of this while spinning through space at incredible speed. Sit in a tub of ice cold water for a few minutes, take a pill, talk to someone you trust. If you are taking any sort of weird assed medication- toss it unless it is for a heart that would stop...love you and the people who brought you here..not a good idea to stop the heart and the job it does out there in earth time.XXXOOO ( I have experienced same, gotten over it, revisted again, and on it goes)
ReplyDeleteI hope that you will feel a bit better today.
ReplyDeleteI have anxiety which controls me. Hours of therapy have not helped.
ReplyDeleteKnowing the root ( death of both parents as a child ) does not help. Being widowed in March was sent me spinning in a crisis. I hear you . There must be a reason that we feel as we do. I wish I could offer solutions but I cannot ( and don’t think that is what you are asking for )- but I hear you
Mary x
Oh, dear. I know the feeling and can sympathize. The only thing that has helped me is to move. To walk, to play with my dogs, to clean, whatever it is. It doesn't take away the spiraling but it helps me cope with it, in some way.
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Brains can be damned liars, they tell me things that aren't true all the time. Sometimes you just have to hang on and hope that it will end soon. Sending hugs and love.
ReplyDeleteOh, my friend, I feel for you. The mind is still such a mystery and a real albatross for many folks. Sending love and hoping the spiral eases soon. Xx
ReplyDeleteI think I sort of know that dark place and I also know you are on your way out of it. Writing about it. Witnessing.
ReplyDeleteSending all the love to you, Rosemary. You are a light in this world. I hope you find it again soon. In the meantime, all of us are holding you tight.
ReplyDeleteSending more love your way. xx0xxx0 N2
ReplyDeleteThis hits hard, and for what it's worth, helps me as I recognize it, that feeling, etc. etc. I spiraled down after looking at a PICTURE of myself, taken recently as I celebrated my son's birthday. The whole "control your thoughts," "thoughts are only thoughts," etc. is bullshit -- more words to anesthetize. I do think the way out is through, though, and that means time and love and perhaps some activity that gives you pleasure.
ReplyDeleteSending lots and lots of love your way. Tell yourself, I must let this go because one day I will have grandchildren to cherish. They are truly all important and nothing else matters. Imagine those grands. You are going to be the ultimate grandmother!
ReplyDeleteHolding you close. Breathe deeply. Say a little prayer. I'm glad you wrote about it. Kim in PA
ReplyDelete