Saturday, October 5, 2013

Escape from the funhouse

So I'm going in another direction from Elizabeth: Rather than posting the high school photo of me at my nadir, I'm posting a photo of me from 1995, found in a marathon weeding out of stuff in our apartment. The photo was taken to run with a story I wrote. I don't have the negatives, only the contact sheets, and this photo, which was not the one chosen, was my my favorite. Based on the other photos on the contact sheet, I didn't really look like this then. In every other frame, the proportion of my face looks distorted as if seen in a subtle funhouse mirror. Except it wasn't really distorted. That was—is—my face. This one frame, though, captured something of how I wanted to see myself, eyes soft, face in balance. This post is in lieu of my talking about the great unresolved question still casting its shadow over here, the resolution to which will determine what comes next. Let's just say I'm looking back while looking forward. The exercise is nothing if not instructive.


11 comments:

  1. Hey gorgeous woman. I'm pretty sure that everything's going to be okay. I'm counting on that for you because you deserve it in every way.
    Why do I always want to just hold your hand? I don't know. But I do.

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  2. The photo is quite beautiful, and I love how you wrote about yourself and your perceptions of yourself. I'm concerned and hope that a resolution to whatever it is you're going through and enduring is around the corner.

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  3. Now I see where your children get their beautiful eyes from. I like you looking back as you look forward. I too am contemplating a new future in employment at an age where it is quite challenging. I wish you the best and I too know you will make it. Sweet Jo

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  4. It's great that you still have that contact sheet! This is a nice photo -- I'd love to see the one that ran, just to compare.

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  5. You are perceptive, beautiful and smart. That is a winning combination and I know that what is coming will be good...

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  6. A beautiful picture. Are you sure this wasn't at your nadir? I know high school was NOT mine.

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  7. This photo is also an exercise in looking back (because you resemble your mom) and looking forward (because your children resemble you). Aren't you beautiful!

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  8. this reminded me of that wonderful post you did quite awhile ago of brian lanker's work. his portrait of the older black woman, in particular, with so much strength and wisdom in her face. we wear our lives on our faces, and seems to me, that's as good a definition of beauty as any other.

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  9. You are gorgeous at every age and stage. Inner and outer beauty working here. I do hope everything's all right, or at least that it will be soon.

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