Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Conflict resolution

That thing I was not talking about? It's resolved—and solved. And now I can exhale and truly lean in to the new shape of things.

My daughter and my niece both left this morning to return to their separate cities and schools. My heart felt shredded watching them get ready, such women of the world, their independence shrugged back on like a familiar coat, all business and looking ahead. And then they were gone through the door, me watching them down the hall until they disappeared into the elevator, but then I looked around and my son was still here and it was a comfort to see his long lean body sprawled on the couch, and later to hear his music pounding from his room as he got himself ready for work. When I got the news that fairness had prevailed, I hugged him happily and we twirled around and he said, "See, that is why you fight."

Here's something fun. In our recent clearing out of stuff, I happened across some forms my husband and I had filled out in our premarital counseling sessions (yes, we did that). One prompt was, "My favorite way of avoiding conflict is:_______________."

Here's what I wrote:

And here is what my beloved answered:

We wrote those truths and then instantaneously forget them. Or more accurately, utterly failed to take note that our approach to conflict was diametrically opposed. It's promising, I think, that we both had a good laugh over this 27 years and many unavoided conflicts later.


  1. SO GLAD FOR THE RESOLUTION that you couldn't talk about. Good for you, dear woman!
    And the avoiding conflict thing- that made me smile big. Obviously, it's all worked out pretty darn well. Sending love to you tonight. As always.

  2. Happy to hear about the resolution and the big exhale.
    Love to you Angella!

  3. Am I the only curious, nosy, inappropriate person that is dying to know what you could not talk about, how it was resolved, what was fair, etc.? I too am happy for you, really I am. Sweet Jo

  4. Am I the only curious, nosy, inappropriate person who is dying to know what you could not talk about that was resolved that ended in a twirl of fairness prevailing? I am happy for you too, I truly am. Sweet Jo

  5. Yay! So glad the forces of fairness prevailed!

    I love your different approaches to conflict resolution. They're kind of complementary, actually -- you talk, your husband stays quiet (or probably says the minimum he needs to say), and perhaps his restraint helps solve things. I think Dave and I have a very similar style.

  6. Big sigh of relief. Glad you still have your boy at home to keep you company.

  7. so happy to hear of resolution, whatever it is. sweet jo, i'm nosy, too--but *mostly* because i want to hear every detail of the something good and right that has benefitted angella--who deserves the moon!

  8. It's too bad that you had to fight, but I'm glad that you won. Whatever the details were. :)

  9. I love your husband's answer. Ha. I love that you have so many keepsakes. It makes me a little envious.