That’s a photo of where I'm from, the land of my birth, Jamaica. This week, as we journey south to lay my husband’s brother to rest a few islands over in Antigua, I’ll be able to once again immerse myself in those blue waters, and that will be a balm. But in the meantime, traveling anxieties are in full flower. Why am this way? What, really, is the source of this disquiet, this heart pounding worriment when, weaving through the angst, I am also relishing the idea of spending a week with my husband and children, the original four of us, the silver lining of time together away from our busy lives, our brother and uncle's parting gift to our little tribe.
I don't know that there is an answer to why with anxiety. You willful better, I'm sure, when you are surrounded by this beauty and the beauty of your loving family.
ReplyDeletewhat a beautiful place. I suffer traveling anxiety...mostly around flying...making the arrangements, getting the tickets, other reservations as necessary, deciding what to pack and what not. and especially now with flying so iffy. I would be a major ball of stress if I had to sit in the plane on the tarmac for hours before finally taking off.
ReplyDeleteenjoy your trip home and time with your core family.
Seeing you as a whole and vulnerable human being who is currently experiencing a full spectrum of feelings and writing from the heart about them, I'm inspired to live more fully. This trip to the landscape and seascape of your birth is indeed a gift. Sending love always.
ReplyDeleteIf I only knew why you get so anxious over traveling, I would know why I do it too. I don't think we ever will. If I were you, I would remind myself that I was going to be traveling with three intelligent, competent, experienced adults and that I could sort of just go with the flow of it, letting them take whatever reins need taking.
ReplyDeleteTrust me when I say that it is going to be such a love-filled experience. You already know that, though.
I believe you told us once about traveling to England when you were young and your parents leaving you in the care of others. Maybe that's where the anxiety stems from.
ReplyDeleteAs you said, the good part is that you'll be with your family. Sending hugs and love.
I think as we get older, travel gets harder for all of us. Anything that shakes up our routines is disquieting. I've found that to be true for myself as well. Once you're there, you'll be so glad you went. (Even given the sad occasion.)
ReplyDeleteWishing you safe travels, Rosemarie, and a calming, peaceful visit.
ReplyDeleteThe disruption of our daily routines can definitely cause some anxiety. Add to that the sadness of this journey, and it makes sense. But then you get to add the beauty of where you are headed and the comfort of those blue waters, the balance.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about travel anxiety. It's 'can you manage'. It's 'what will life throw at me?' I hope your time with your closest ones, even for so sad a trip, will be something to relish and remember when the security of your home surrounds you once again.
ReplyDeleteSafe travels, and how I wish I could paddle in that beautiful water :)
ReplyDeleteI really tried hard to respond to this post, which as usual is so beautifully written and nuanced, even in grief. My words could not do your words justice- but please know that you are in my thoughts
ReplyDeleteS xx
Oh, have the most wonderful time!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your loss. The content of this and your last post remind me of Susan Cain's book, "Bittersweet" and its confluence of the sanguine and the melancholic. It's a helpful read.
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