The students are back. Classes have begun. The streets are packed again, everyone simmering with reason and discovery. It's weird to still live in the same neighborhood where I went to college and grad school. I know what everyone who's just arrived on the scene is feeling, a shivery excitement for what's new and next, a reality that is now so far in my past that it is almost painful to witness. What is this vague sadness I feel? This aching ennui. I have been inside my house for the two days straight, didn't even get dressed. Too distracted to read, I binge watched Outlander and Fleabag, both of which left me pining for ... something. I suppose Jamie and Hot Priest will do that (for those who get the reference). This morning, determined to take the day in hand, I got up bright and early, showered, dressed and left the house, had breakfast on Broadway, sitting on the sidewalk people watching, sipping bitter diner coffee until it was lukewarm, then went to the bank, walked for a bit, and then there was no reason for me to stay out, other than to go sit in the park, which I didn't feel like doing, so I came back home. At least I got dressed and got out the house for the day.
Sometimes it's a struggle! Your people watching opportunities are superb.
ReplyDeleteSending love. Good question. Good that you ventured out. Over Labor Day weekend, one of my oldest friends (we've known each other since our freshman year in high school in 1963) drove from Rochester to Boston with her son and granddaughter who is starting college at the University of Massachusetts. Your words "shivery excitement "describe that turning point in life well. My friend left me a voice mail while in Boston. Her voice sounded like your voice in this post, expressing a mood of vague sadness and weariness.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I was in Manhattan was in September 1982. The light was just like that in your photo. September light. I was surprised then to see how blue the sky was and how fresh the air was and how everything seemed to be vibrating with energy. I'd been in major cities before, but the Manhattan experience was something entirely different. Unforgettable.
I hope you will write about cartography someday.
I am constantly amazed at how very different our physical lives are. If you step out of your home and then your building, you are surrounded by people and commerce and colors and the sounds of traffic and people talking and probably construction noises and the smells of food and asphalt and air that must smell completely different from where I live. So stimulating in every way! And when I walk out of my house I see mostly green and usually no people unless someone happens to be strolling by or church is happening next door. It's like two different worlds.
ReplyDeleteI would end up staying in my pajamas in my own little world way too much, probably.
But it's beautiful that you can just walk down the street and get coffee and watch the people and be a part of that busy and varied life.
I just had a thought- my world is more like the world in Outlander than it is like your world in a lot of ways. No Jamie, though. But Mr. Moon is pretty cute.
Here here to getting dressed and going outside! I go outside all the time. Rarely in appropriate clothing. I am so lucky to get to read about the city you inhabit so superbly.
ReplyDeleteLove
Rebecca
It's the first day of school here too and I work beside the university. I love seeing the new young people ready for school, looking excited, scared, hopeful but I hate the traffic that comes with it.
ReplyDeleteI feel a vague sadness as well, or maybe just a sadness that I'm trying to deny.
Every September since I finished university I have a vague longing to be back at the point that I entered it. And why not? The world was starting to unfold for us freshmen. Anything could happen in the next few years. And we were on our own, many of us for the first time. The feeling only lasts a short while. I'm glad not to be studying, and to have the angst that went along with the freedom behind me. But I know what you mean by that shivery excitement.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for getting up and going. I find the more I sit, the more I want to sit, and that's not good.
Sometimes, when you do get out, it's just the very air that makes it easier to bear the ennui. I love drinking coffee and watching people, but I often don't enjoy the coming home part. Not that home is not a nice place to be, it's just that I want the noise and bustle, sometimes, to come home with me.
ReplyDeleteYou've had a very busy and social summer and autumn is peeking around the corner. It always brings a sudden quieter time. Perhaps that's part of it.
Understood, same here, but today I had an appointment so made a day of it. The struggle is real and I can not help thinking it is the cloud we live under, the uncertainty of one foot falling in front of the other, the horror of machine guns mowing just any old body down, This entire country is suffering from depression and gaslighting. Anxiety! Staying in may be the best thing to do, especially for the sensitive folk.
ReplyDeleteI'd have joined you for coffee and people-watching. I read a friend's blog post today that makes new year's resolutions in September instead of January. That helps her go.
ReplyDeleteBut but but isn't it also fabulous to no longer have to follow course timetables and preparing for exams and schedules set by others?
ReplyDeleteI can go days, a week and never leave the house, well, I go outside. wear the same clothes all week. I wonder what the neighbors think when they see me walk the dog or if they even notice I haven't changed my clothes.
ReplyDeleteSome days we stay inside, sipping our tea and forgetting about the world that surrounds us. It's a comfort zone. We are cocooning and resting until our wings are ready for another day of flight. Down time is good.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, getting out of the house does wonders. So good for taking that step. We loved Fleabag!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had just a spark of anything to catch my attention. My grandchildren are back with mama and daddy and that is good. It is where they should be but has left me feeling sort of down.
ReplyDeleteI love to people watch. I lived in Las Vegas and would just go to a small little Casino to just sit and watch the people moving and letting their energy wash over me. I liked to go in the early morning hours because it is the locals and not the tourists that grabbed my attention.
I am really glad that you dressed and went out. It makes a difference. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow and I would like to just stay home but I will probably go just so I can grab a coffee or tea and do a little people watching.
I hope that you feel better soon but listen to your body. If you need more jammie days and Outlander and Fleabag then do it. xx