Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Rocking, roaming

“There is a loneliness that can be rocked. Arms crossed, knees drawn up, holding, holding on, this motion, unlike a ship’s, smooths and contains the rocker. It’s an inside kind—wrapped tight like skin. Then there is the loneliness that roams. No rocking can hold it down. It is alive. On its own. A dry and spreading thing that makes the sound of one’s own feet going seem to come from a far-off place.”

—Toni Morrison in Beloved

I'm not actually feeling lonely in this moment, but I ran across that quote and I identified with it almost on a cellular level, as I certainly have felt everything it describes. I'm just putting it here where I can find it again, should I ever need to see my internal reality externally reflected, in a quest to feel understood. 

And there it is—the reason I write here, because somehow, the simple act of doing so frequently leads me to what is true for me in that moment. I am not feeling lonely today but I am feeling sorely misunderstood. And therefore a little sorry for myself. I guess I'll just leave it at that.

In other news, did anyone see Trump's campaign speech this morning? I cringed anew at the reality of this dangerous, infantile blowhard as a serious candidate for president. I feel as if we are on the verge of actual catastrophe. Or maybe we're there already. I don't know. 

There is so much hate in the world right now, it's almost a cliche. And the 24/7 news cycle is toxic. Sometimes, I look away for a while, but sadly, when I eventually look back, nothing has changed. I am doing my best in this moment to keep my focus on love, because as the wise ones always say, that which we focus on multiplies. 

May love multiply. Amen.


  1. I wonder who these people are who vote for him. Who are those thugs who beat up on protesters at his rallies? What do they find inspirational?

  2. I am not too much interested in "politics" but I cannot avoid reading about Trump. It is frightening to think that he could be the leader of USA . What are your countrymen thinking of to have got him so far by voting for him. I have no idea if Hilary would be a better bet, but like this country of mine ( UK) I don't think we any more have the leaders that we used to. They are all out for themselves not their countries. Forgive me if I am not coming across with exactly what I mean, but I despair about our leaders, and potential leaders these days. X

  3. hopefully the political catastrophe can be averted some how... Isn't amazing that sometimes a person can feel really lonely in a room full of people they love...

  4. Thank you for this timely reminder that what one focuses on multiplies. I needed that reminder, having been attacked on Fakebook by a member of a neo-Nazi hate group called Soldiers of Odin and threatened, then having to spend the day gathering screenshots of his venom and making reports to police. I feel bathed in crazy and bile. I would guess that this is who votes for Trump.

    Sigh. I hardly even go on Fakebook. Breathing in, I breathe in calm. Breathing out, I smile.


  5. "May love multiply" - yes. This is all we need, and yet it seems to be out of our grasp as a species some days. But we can love in our own small circles. We can make things better for those close to us. And that will make love multiply.

  6. I am going to bed...Some days that is all one can do!

  7. I always say I am going to stay away from the news but my husband is an obsessive news watcher so it is almost impossible. I tell him over and over to not tell me about it but he can't help it. It makes me angry but mostly just betrayed.
    I really get being misunderstood. And I don't think it is an issue of feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone wants to be understood and accepted.
    Are you a Highly Sensitive Person

  8. I actually rarely watch or even listen to the news. I'll scan headlines of the NY Times and the LA Times on my computer, so I feel relatively abreast (with Facebook highlights, of course), but what I see is generally so abysmal (both content and the way it's presented) that I turn away. No to the 24/7. Yes to the love. And have I ever told you that Beloved is one of my favorite novels of all time? I read it when it came out and a few times after that, but I haven't thought about it in a long time. The quote is perfect, and I think I should pick it up and read it again. Thank you!