I read an old post last night, written just before I started working on Dr. Ellamae Simmons' book, and I had fear then, too. I didn't know if I was up to the task, and so I am trying to remind myself that I always feel this way. This time, though, feels particularly intense. I feel completely out of my depth, but I'm telling myself that in some parallel dimension of time, the book is already written, and I just need to let it come through me.
I had a disappointment today, a failure. A small enough thing and yet the vapors cling, making my heart feel burdened. I can't write about it here. And really, more things are going right in this moment than are going wrong. And yet it's one of those churning days, when currents crackle and bite inside me, and I feel as wrong in my skin as it is possible to feel.
Trickster Mercury is in retrograde till the fifteenth of this month. My back-in-the-day gig writing a horoscope column reminds me that what I'm feeling is straight from the Mercury retrograde playbook. Unfinished business. Miscommunication. Fearful energy. Loss of confidence. I am trying to remember that the antidote is to consciously and purposefully choose love.
That photo is of the beach in Rodney Bay, St. Lucia, where my children and their cousins spent charmed summer days with their grandmother. Somewhere, in a parallel time dimension, it is happening still.