Saturday, July 24, 2021

Inside my shell

I had a couple of choices of how I might spend this day. A friend who's visiting from out of town invited me to dinner with her daughter and a woman we both know. She made a reservation for four instead of three in case I decided to join them, which tells me she understands me. I ultimately decided against being quite that social, dining al fresco with people I haven't seen in more than a year. I'm having a hard time breaking out of my shell. Just contemplating it felt jarring. Another friend suggested we sit on her terrace and drink wine. I said no for today, thinking at first I was going to see my friend from out of town. We might yet sit on her terrace and drink wine tomorrow, depending on how we both feel. She, too, understands me. Friends who don't make you socially beholden are a gift. I've been feeling fragile somehow, count the reasons why.
 

I framed the last puzzle I did, the one that reminds me of rivers. I might hang it over my couch, and move those boats elsewhere. I'm already onto another puzzle now. In this latest one, called "Woman in Flowers," I finally see me. I've never seen myself in a jigsaw puzzle before. Two new companies with an inclusive view of the world—eeBoo Piece & Love and Journey of Something—have turned me into the kind of person who frames jigsaw puzzles. Who sees them as possible art. Nobody's paying me to say this. I just love that somebody sees more broadly than the usual puzzle makers with their English country cottages and Nordic lake scenes and vintage Americana, which never include people who look like me. Okay, I'm done grinding that axe. It's plenty sharp by now.

I've been watching the HBO Max series I May Destroy You, which is very unsettling and weirdly compelling. It's about a Black British writer who is late in delivering the manuscript for her second book, after making a big splash with her first. While avoiding her deadline in a club with friends, she is drugged and raped. Afterward, she tries to remember the details of that trauma as she pieces her life back together. The series is written by and stars Michaela Coel, whose face mesmerizes me. The story is messy, true to how life often happens, which I think is what makes it so unsettling. And yet, I can't turn away. I'm on the final episode, now, but it was episode eleven that really gobsmacked me. It explores the moment when the protagonist breaks through to finally understanding what her book is really about. It made me ache for a similar breakthrough.


I'm writing here while watching the Olympics while hunting down puzzle pieces. My favorite Olympic events are track and field, especially sprints and relays, which my little island of Jamaica has long dominated. I also love swimming and diving and of course women's gymnastics, with the women's team led by the greatest of all time, Simone Biles. She's so damn good she can sew a sequined GOAT on her leotard and everyone just nods in agreement. She does such hard skills she could fall on every routine and still walk away with the gold. She's out of this world.

I've been dreaming of being in places other than where I live. Covid is surging in New York again, and everywhere. I had been planning a trip for the man and me to France and Germany this summer, to meet up with two dear friends who live an hour outside of Frankfurt. We four were going to tour around Brittany and then spend some days in the Loire Valley wine country and then drive back to Frankfurt. Sadly, I think we might all be indulging in wishful thinking and being a bit premature. If not this summer, then next year for sure.


 

18 comments:

  1. patience, they say, is a virtue, I tell myself that every day. France is erupting over people being babies about covid and the police being ridiculous, Rioters and police all males, by the way...
    Do a puzzle, write, draw, make a sandwich, covid is just getting stronger- Just another player in the holocene extinction series. Words like "normal" "predictable" "safety" have been removed from everyday vernacular. You are right and sensitive to feel what you are feeling- You are not alone! We are the apples in the cart that got upturned! Rolling around without direction- at the moment.

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    1. YES! I noticed that too, Linda Sue -- the French rioters and the police are nearly all male, at least from the videos I've seen.

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  2. May you continue taking good care of yourself in your protective shell like the woman in the puzzle who looks so much like you. Sending love always.

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  3. Your new puzzle is absolutely stunning, as is Simone’s abilities. No one else cones close. I understand feeling fragile, I think many of us feel that right now. Virtual hugs. A friend and I were planning to visit NYC this fall, we had planned a Hudson cruise to see the fall colors, and riding the sea glass carousel. Sadly I don’t think it will be this year.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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  4. It's hard to figure out how to socialize and stay safe these days. So, we haven't been socializing much at all. We're having our house painted and the painter just left (he worked on a Saturday!), and we did a group hug. There was so much open-hearted tearful good feeling in the moment. Then when he left I thought, "Oh no, I never even asked him if he was vaccinated." So now I worry. Better to stay safe and hunker down. We're really in for a long bumpy ride. I love your art and puzzles.

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  5. Those puzzles are absolutely stunning. A small light, along with the Olympics, in a very uncertain and different world.
    Spirits are suffering.

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  6. I wish those companies made puzzles with large size pieces for my old eyes.

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  7. Take all the time you need to feel safe. You will socialize when the time is right for you. Take care of yourself!

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  8. love the little logo on the puzzle...woman owned, mother run, always good! and how sad that this is the first time to see yourself in a puzzle. and those two women, so gorgeous and so talented.

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  9. I love the puzzles, and I understand the need to seek shelter from all the craziness out there. I've seen Michaela Coel in some other things, and she's fantastic -- I haven't seen this show yet but I'll put it on my list!

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  10. Nesting is always good. You will do everything you want in your own time. Once again, the future seems uncertain. This is all very tough on everyone. That said, staying safe is key.

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  11. That puzzle is beautiful.

    We went to a retirement party in the park on Saturday and it was so nice to see people. It was strange and wonderful to see people without masks but also weird.

    I remember listening to an interview of Michaela Coel on CBC raido about the very show you're talking about. I want to see it and will look for it. She is such a beautiful young woman but I like her best without her wigs, they detract from the beauty of her face.

    Have a good week.

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  12. I think in the shell is a good place to be right now. The numbers I'm seeing on vaccine efficacy against the delta variant are bad. When there is a booster available, I'm going to be standing in line for that. We've given up on Europe this year, too hard, too uncertain.

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  13. Since the effectiveness of my vaccine against the new variant isn't good, according to several sources, I remain homebound, essentially as I have been since March of 2020. I've never believed that things were going to return to the "normal" so many bang on about but I had hoped for better protection than what I'v4e received via vaccine. I wish we had some good anti-virals as well as these vaccines. I await a booster.

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  14. I saw a puzzle the other day and thought of beautiful you. The puzzles you do make me think I might like to do one myself, and I've never really been into puzzles!

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  15. My Mother-in-Law gave me an eeboo jigsaw of New York to do recently and I loved it. So vibrant and busy. I love the one you've framed. I've never framed a jigsaw but I do frame the diamond drill pictures I do.

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  16. And she did walk away. Wonderful brave woman that she is. I watched the vault that broke her - both my daughter and granddaughter were gymnasts so I have watched a lot of vaults - and saw her lose her orientation. That she landed on her feet was pure skill. Terrifying. And so she quit. And is getting shit from all over from people who know exactly nothing about the sport or the pressure she was under.
    There are things we are all walking away from, I think, as we come out of the Covid cocoon. I made my first drive into the city from my rural fastness this week with a good friend. It was a mixure of fright and the wonderful feeling of getting back into life. And I got home exhausted. Glad I did it though. And you will be too, when you are ready. At your own pace. All good.

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  17. Coming out of our Shells in a time of COVID is a Process, I'm not comfortable yet with it either. Slowly but surely, yet things do worsen and I'd rather be Guarded than Careless. As for France and Germany, perhaps in the Future... France seems to be in Crisis right now, probably not the best timing for any visit there as a Guest.

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