Saturday, November 13, 2021

Munch and other darlings

In one more week, this handsome guy will join us for Thanksgiving week, along with his humans. There they are below, all masked up for a team-bonding event with their grad school cohort group last weekend, and at the Charles River crewing regatta the weekend before. And there Munch is, helping his human dad with coursework yesterday. He's grown a lot, hasn't he? My daughter's love is a big data engineer who is getting his MBA, and I'm intrigued by how intentionally sewn into the social life of his program are partners, children, and even pets. I imagine the reasoning is that the students may well be in these same domestic arrangements as they pursue their subsequent careers, and why not fold them into the grad school experience in a relationship strengthening way. I'm grateful that my girl and her guy are able to go through it together, and even more grateful that she got to move to Boston with her job, working remotely for the two years of the program. To my mind, that allows my girl a requisite level of independence, something my father raised me to revere. The recent good news: My daughter's love has already lined up post grad school employment. The firm he did an internship with last summer offered him a full time job, and he has accepted. That means they'll definitely be moving back to New York City when he graduates next May. I could not be happier.



The last picture here is a throwback, taken in the early aughts when my girl was ten and my son was twelve. Look at the loving way we are all gazing at the photographer, who is of course their silly dad and my forever love.

The man and I actually had a bit of an argument yesterday, with raised voices and even some frustrated tears from me, and when we realized that we were both locked into our positions, and there would be no meeting in the middle, much less at either end, we both agreed to just let it be one of those things we would not agree on, and just move on. And we did, with no lingering resentment or vapor. It strikes me now that this is one of the great unsung joys of thirty five years of congenial partnership. You no longer have to be right every time. Or rather, you can sometimes both be wrong or both be right at the same time, and somehow, it's okay. 

 

14 comments:

  1. Well the big guy and I never argue about anything. What is that sound? The sound of me laughing my head off. We don't argue a lot but having a little one in the house means we're both more tired and have different parenting styles, so that does lead to some arguments. I also tend to cry during arguments because intense emotions make me cry, and being wrong:) I also let things go now that I wouldn't have as a young woman, for the sake of everyone getting along. I realize I can be right and I don't have to shove it in his face. One of my hubby's pet peeves is people making excuses for their behavior which he did the other day and I just shut up and said nothing. In my mind though, I was laughing.

    I'm glad your daughter and her honey will be close by again. I can't believe two years will be done already in May. Time went so fast.

    And that last photo, so lovely.

    Did you ever get your new couch?

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  2. I love that your daughter's love already has a job offer and that they will be coming home to NY after he completes the program. Yay! Wonderful news. Their doggie is very big and cute.
    Roger and I spend 24/7 together. We sometimes disagree and shout a bit and storm off into separate rooms to cool down. It doesn't take long, and somehow we always manage to work it out and even get a good laugh at ourselves.
    That photo of you with the kids is absolutely beautiful in every way.

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  3. Munch has become quite the large pooch! He was so tiny...Great news about the kids moving closer to home. The overwhelming beauty of your family always makes me linger on the photos. How is it that you have not been spotted on the street and immediately given a million dollars just for making this planet more lovely?

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  4. Thanksgiving will be wonderful with everybody home. Knowing your daughter and her love are coming back to NYC is huge. Your family photo is lovely...where did the time go? That said, you've raised beautiful adults and must be very proud.

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  5. Savor that day. Your daughter coming back is huge, and my how that cute dog has grown!

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  6. You must be so pleased to be getting your daughter back to NYC again. I am lucky that 2 of my boys live 18 minutes drive away...in opposite directions!! My youngest is living in Oxford and I don't see him so often. It is over an hour's drive and difficult to park. He doesn't drive at the moment so not easy for them to get to us.At the moment it is 2 buses and a short train journey for them to get here. A mere nothing of a journey to you in USA I know! I love the last photo of you and your children. Colour co-ordinated too!
    I thought that Munch was about the size of my schnauzer in that first picture, but seeing him on the couch, he is much bigger!
    Just about to take mine for a walk, on a dull, grey morning. At least it isn't raining!

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  7. How nice that your daughter will be near to you again. My daughter is about 3 hours away and right now she has Covid so it is very difficult to be apart. She is vaccinated and was so careful but her work does not require masks or vaccines so she thinks she got it there at a big meeting they had. She is recovering slowly but surely but it has been tough on her (and me)!

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  8. So happy that your daughter and her man will be moving back to NY. And I love that last picture. And I agree wholeheartedly about finally getting to the place where you don't have to be right or don't have to convince the other that you are right. One of the best things I learned was to let him have the last word even if I think he's wrong. Or learning how not to start an argument in the first place. I just walk away.

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  9. Is that Munch on the couch?! He's bigger than I thought he was from the pictures of him alone!

    Love the autumn leaves. So pretty! It's great that things are working out for your daughter to return to the Big Apple.

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  10. Life experience in grad school? My husband signed on for a Master's degree. I got pregnant. The Master's segued into a PhD. I got pregnant again. At JG's graduation (finally!) our two children attended, walking, talking and wondering what it was all about. My aunt arrived at the post granting party with a case (yep) of champagne.

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  11. Munch is large! Originally he looked like he would be a small dog. Having your daughter coming back to the city is so wonderful. I hope they find a great place to live that is close to you. Congratulations to him on the upcoming MBA.

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  12. Dearly love the photo of you with your daughter and son looking at the one the three of you love -- the one who loves all of you.

    Thank you so much for bringing up the topic of arguments as a part of long-term loving relationships. Throughout my life, I've been uncomfortable with conflict and that has limited my ability to be in a lasting committed relationship. I treasure your insight and the insights of commenters and hope that I can sustain the relationship I entered into this year, by learning to experience conflict in a constructive way. I am learning to let go and press on, to paraphrase your comment on my post. Again, thank you so much.

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  13. May is not so far away! How wonderful that your baby girl will be back within hug's reach.
    You and your children have the most incredible eyes. I am not surprised in the least because I know that the eyes are the windows of the souls and your souls are infinitely beautiful.
    Gosh! Mr. Moon and I haven't had an argument like that in years! We are both incredibly non-confrontational. Probably to the detriment of our communications. Every now and then you just have to let your position be known out loud.

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  14. Munch has turned into a big guy! I'm so glad your daughter and her love will be returning to your city. That must be a huge relief, independence be damned :) And thank you for your honesty about relationship differences. Agreeing to disagree was something I always found very hard to do. It felt so bad not being on the same page about something (as ridiculous as that sounds when I write it out).

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