Disappear

I understand now why some blogs lie fallow for a period. And because of what I now understand, I worry about those blog friends who disappear for a while. It could mean they're out under the sky, engaging with their life, hosting visitors, sampling nature, too busy to sit at a computer indoors. Or it could mean they're grappling with feelings they can't manage to set down in cold, unforgiving type. 

This is the limitation of blogging, I suppose. There are people you don't want to hurt, even if they hurt you. That makes this medium hard for one who first came to writing as a way of making sense of her life. I am having a very hard time right now. Crying for no good reason. Or at least no reason I can put my finger on. I want to go away. I want someone to care enough to come and find me.

I thank God for my daughter. Sometimes, I am blown away by her simple goodness, her constancy and lovingness, the fact that she pauses in her day to hug her mother. I am humbled by her and I want to be everything I can for her. I want to be there for her. So I won't give in to this impulse to run away. I won't disappear.