Thursday, April 4, 2019

If a tree falls in a ghost forest does it make a sound?

If no one knows you've posted, is it worth posting? If no one reads what you write, should you stop writing? I had no idea how much the desire to keep blogging was fueled by the opportunity to have continuing conversations about our lives with people I have connected with here, people I can truly say I have come to love. I can still comment on their posts of course, which I appreciate, but now the conversation feels a little one sided, no longer a sharing so much as a responding. But I don't know what to do about that as it became clear to me that, because of my collaborative work crafting memoirs for people who have a certain profile in the world, I need to be a ghost. Which meant making my blog private. I don't like it one bit. It feels lonely around here now. Perhaps it is just a matter of rethinking my reasons for maintaining this blog. Perhaps it has to now truly become a record primarily for myself, and no longer a way of courting the abundant rewards of daring to be known to strangers, who over time become dear friends.

There are so many people I still miss, because they stopped blogging. Many of them I meet in other places, now—on Instagram, where our dear Tearful Dishwasher still posts his deep reflections on the nature of being human, and on Twitter, where beloved Brittany shares what's true for her in 280 characters or less. I am grateful not to have lost these friends, the way I lost Deirdre, for example, and so many others. When my friend Steve Reed stopped blogging for more than a year, I was surprised at how bereft I felt. Steve was one of my first blogging friends, and my first clue of how real the connections we make here can be. Steve returned to blogging at a moment when he was completely uprooting his life, moving with his love to London, leaving behind a former life as a reporter in New York City, to work as a librarian at an international school. I jumped right back on the bandwagon, thrilled to find him again.

Yet I wonder, if I were stop posting for a while, would I lose all my friendships here? Are many of them already withering as we speak, or are our bonds made of studier stuff? I likely won't stop posting, though, because this space is still an outlet for me. And so I will continue to blog, trying to think of it as I did in the early days, a place to write without restraint, to keep fresh the practice of putting words together, to tell my story for my own record, to breathe into the void and find worth in this endeavor simply for itself. Of course, I will welcome those who happen by with arms spread wide, and love them for being here. But I can also see this as an opportunity of sorts. Nothing has to make objective sense, like the photo I'm posting here, of me at the hair salon under the space ship dryer after getting my hair cut, with my messenger bag on my lap under the super cape. Like really, why? Just because.


31 comments:

  1. Please do not stop. I rarely, if ever, comment but I love reading your blog.

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    1. Thank you, friend. What is your name?

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    2. It is Hildegarde. I live on the West Coast.

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  2. Love that picture, it looks like you are on a space ship.

    I think I know exactly how you feel. I don't write that often on my own blog, but when I do I have an initial fear that no one will be out there or that what I write is of no interest to anyone. And I miss them if they don't comment when they have in the past. Believe me, I am out here, loving reading you! Your spirit and your intelligence ring like a clear bell that I can hear and definitly want to continue to hear.
    When I comment, which I always will because I like to, I notice that some of the people who read you consistently and lovingly are not here. That has puzzled me greatly. (I could name them but that's probably not appropriate for me to do)Have you spoken to them directly? Nothing to fear there, you just need the information. Almost everyone has their email listed in their profile (I think). One thing that is a hold up for me is that you no longer come up in my reading list nor does it pop up in my email to let me know that you have posted. Hence, my missing the last post. I try to click on you in my favorites as often as I can, but I would love to get a notification somehow.
    I think it's as sad for those who care about you to not know that you are still here as it is perplexing for you in how to proceed. I'm sure more people miss you than you have any idea.

    I hope this works out better for you. Please don't go away, your posts bring such love and light my way!

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    1. liv, thank you for this thoughtful comment. I tried to add an option to subscribe to the blog by email, but discovered that the blog needs to be public for that to work. So I'm stuck. I do miss the one time regulars who haven't been coming around, and I wonder if they're absent because they don't know how to get here or if i overestimated our connection. I've left comments or emails for a couple of folks letting them know I'm still posting but had to make the blog private, but really, you can't ask people to visit and comment because then it becomes an obligation and a burden. And since I no longer come up on blog rolls, it must seem as if I'm absent, too. I will just have to get used to this new normal. But really, you who do still stop by have no idea how grateful I am to see you, and how close I hold you in my heart. Love to you, friend.

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  3. I too never comment and would miss seeing your posts so very much. Do you remember Mark who had adopted four(?) children with his partner who was from France? I believe I found him through your blog. He suddenly took his blog down several years ago and I never quite got over that!

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  4. I too never comment and would miss seeing your posts so very much. Do you remember Mark who had adopted four(?) children with his partner who was from France? I believe I found him through your blog. He suddenly took his blog down several years ago and I never quite got over that!

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    1. Laura, I am so glad you commented. I hope you will feel free to comment whenever, about whatever, it's a judgment free zone. That is the one silver lining of going private, some of the people who never commented when the blog was public have been making themselves known, and I so appreciate that, and you. And yes, I was sad when Mark closed his blog, too, that cheeky provocateur. If you're on instagram, you can still find him. He is as cheeky as ever. He and Fred recently became parents of three more children, two boys and a girl, so they are now a household with seven children! They're pretty amazing.

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  5. I've thought about your post a lot today, and why people blog. I blog because my memory is so bad. When we transitioned from the photo albums to the blog almost a year of things that happened were lost. Since I am so bad about deleting mail, we were able to recreate what had happened and when and why. It was a difficult time because my brother was showing signs of Alheimer's but none of us knew what it was at the time. Anyway, that taught me the value of writing it down. But that's me. I'm very grateful that you took you blog private and didn't take it down. The thing of it is, now that it's private, it's more intimate. It's like I can be more me commenting here than I am in other places because I do not like to offend people. So, do please keep writing and posting your pictures. I absolutely love the space ship on your head.

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    1. Allison, thank you so much for sharing this. You're right, there is real value is just making the record of what happens, if only for ourselves. And I too feel as if this is a more intimate space now. It's so interesting that you articulated that. I am glad you feel freer to comment. xo

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  6. I have no way of knowing when you post now which makes me sad. When I see your comments on someone else's blog I remember and go back to the link you sent me in the email and then I come here. I need to find a better way to check on your blog.

    Blogging is weird right? I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to post and to be honest when I don't get many comments I feel a little sad too. I like to think that I write for myself but often I write because I want to connect with others. It's a strange way to connect but it is a connection.

    When I stop to think of the people that I used to read and who no longer blog it feels like it does at work when I no longer see patients, like I've lost something important and a piece of me has gone with them.

    As for the photo, it looks like you're being hugged by a robot:)

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    1. Lily, i had no idea how important the comments and connecting were until many of them disappeared. I'm sorry it is so cumbersome to find me. I think if you just google "37paddington blog" some old posts will come up that you can click on to come to the site. I am glad you have persevered. I'd hate to lose you, and yes, blogging is weird, and perhaps a needier endeavor than we like to admit. Love.

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  7. And I have now figured out how to get to your blog without my email ling. I am not tech savvy obviously. Take care and keep writing because I love your gentle, loving writing.

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    1. Lily, happy to hear that! What did you figure out?

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    2. I just went to your site and added it to my favorites and it worked.

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  8. I have noticed that many of my old blogging friends have stopped blogging. I still keep links and check back every now and then just to see. Once I find someone whose words and photos really draw me in, I check in often. I will always be so grateful that we found each other and stay connected.

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    1. robin, i realize occasionally that the heyday of blogging has come and gone, and only the hardiest souls are left. I suspect for us, blogging is like a journal of sorts, with photographs. I am grateful to have found you, too, and even more so that I was able to meet your wonderful mother before she passed. xo

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    2. I do the same, Robin. I have a folder called "Blogs That Have Gone Defunct" and every so often, a new post will pop up from someone who has come back, perhaps just for a few posts or so as an update. It's such a joy.

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  9. Oh god. I'm still here. I just haven't made it part of my daily habit to check and see if you've posted anything. Please don't stop writing here. We are all different branches of the same family and as such, we need each other.
    Well, at least I need you.
    Your spaceship hair dryer looks like a small cousin of my spaceship washer and dryer. Or maybe just a small robot who is about to clap your ears!
    Love you, woman. Always.

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    1. Dear Mary, your comment is a sight for sore eyes. I know how busy you are, and also that it is now a pain in the ass to find me. But I'm glad, always, to see you here. You are so foundational for so many of us in the blogging universe, even though you may not realize just how true that is! We need each other, yes indeed, and I won't stop writing, because , well, I don't want to lose beloveds such as you, and that too, is the truth of it. Hugs.

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  10. During the weeks when I couldn't find a way to have access to your private blog, I was bereft. I look forward to reading your posts and looking at your splendid and frequently sublime photos. I am so grateful to have met you and become friends by way of Sabine's blog. In the years I have blogged since December 2006, there have been only a few blogs that I read regularly. My blog style is to comment fairly regularly and sometimes at length on the few blogs I read. I found that I could either spend time responding to comments on my blog or spend time commenting at blogs I loved, but I couldn't do both. There are 11 blogs on my reading list, only a few of which I choose to comment on as often as possible. Yours is one of those few blogs. The books you have written move and inspire me, and I look forward to reading the one you are working on now.

    My blog began as a 40-year retrospective of my art work rather than a personal blog and evolved into a place where I try to share my experience, strength, and hope through photos of the natural world in this small town in the Pacific Northwest, YouTube music and documentaries, memories, books, dreams, and in the last few years, my series of mandalas. I treasure the ongoing conversation with a small community of bloggers in the U.S., Canada, and Europe who have made my world so much richer than it was before I began blogging.

    Thank you for inviting me to read your now private blog. It is easy for me to check each day to see if you have posted.

    Love from your friend,
    am

    P.S. Your hair salon self-portrait is a delight. The black salon cape makes me think of RBG in her Supreme Court justice gown and of her sense of humor (-:

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    1. Dear am, I am so glad we found each other in this blogging universe. You are such a treasured part of the circle here, and I am glad you persevered and figured out how to continue to be here. I know what you mean about answering comments or commenting on other blogs. At one point I made that decision myself, even though I had started out responding to all comments. Now that the blog is private, it feels more intimate somehow, and I feel moved once again to respond to all comments, as I did in the early days. Making this blog private really has taken me back to those days. I am intentionally trying to reconnect with the mindset I had when I began. Except of course, then you weren't around the table, and I am beyond glad that you are here, now. And RBG! What a wonderful person to be reminded of! Love.

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  11. I'm so glad that you wrote this post, because as you know I don't blog nearly as much as I once did. I don't know why, but I miss it -- I miss the daily writing and I miss all the comments and I miss coming to your blog regularly, just as I used to maintain my own. Perhaps we all just needed a break? I don't know, but I have some renewed energy to perhaps come on more faithfully, to catch up reading other's blogs and to hope for more visits to my own.

    I love the picture of you -- it's very Star Wars meets Black Panther or something. You always look like a goddess.

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    1. Elizabeth, I think blogging itself has changed from when we both started in the 2008 heyday (so much hope and change back then!) but it is also a sort of link to sanity for me, to be able to come here and just process out loud, so to speak. And also to put the good things where I can see them for when I'm not feeling so good about things. So to speak. I think we're probably busier outside the home, too, now that the intense day to day of raising tweens has abated somewhat, even though Sophie is still with you. Maybe that's why we write a little less, I don't really know. I just know I'm always thrilled to see you have posted, and glad that I get to visit you there when you do. And that goddess comment is kind cause you've met me in person! LOL. Love you, woman.

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  12. Sometimes I'm not here right away because I forget that you aren't on the blogroll anymore. And sometimes I read and want to think about what you've said and what I feel about that and then I forget to come back. But I'll get the hang of it, don't worry :) I wouldn't want to lose your voice and your reflections; I feel like you have allowed us to be part of your family.

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    1. jenny_o, plus you've been sick! I hope you are starting to turn the corner. I do feel as if we're a soul cluster here, which could be another way of saying family. Be well, friend.

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  13. I love reading your blog, and look forward to your posts,

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  14. OMG! I love that photo!

    First of all, I'm sorry I've been a little scarce around here. I confess that without the nudge of my blog sidebar to tell me you've updated, I've been remiss about keeping up. It's not that I'm not interested -- I just haven't quite adapted to this new pattern! I will, I promise!

    Maybe this will, as you say, help you consider blogging and the purposes it serves for you. I have found that I really NEED to write, even just a little bit, each day to help mark the passage of time and the events in my life. So I do it primarily for myself. Even when I stopped for a while (and I continue to be surprised at the impression that made on you!) I kept my paper journal. Now I no longer keep the paper -- just the blog! Having said all that, though, it's great to have readers and friends in the blogosphere.

    All this will sort itself out in time, I suspect. You're still adapting to the change, and when it ceases to feel new the ramifications will be clearer.

    I wonder if you could tell us more about why you feel you need to make the blog private? Is it so bad if someone comes across it because they saw your name on a book cover? You're usually very circumspect here about the people you're writing about professionally, so it seems unlikely they would object.

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    1. Steve, I used to be a big journal writer, too, and now I just write on the blog. It is indeed a little quieter here now that I've made the blog private, but on the other hand I also feel a bit more free. And somehow more able to engage the comments, so there are clearly pros and cons. As for why I went private, it helps, when I am up for books, to not be a known quantity beforehand. I am very opinionated in this space, and I would like to continue being so.

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  15. I has taken me a while to find you again in your private realm. Not sure what happened or how I lost your link but I am really glad I am in touch again.

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