I'm heading out of town this afternoon, taking the train to Washington, DC for two days of interviews with my new subject. This book, too, begins with a proposal, which will require me to bring into view the whole arc of her story through the chapter summaries, and evoke the voice of the book through the sample chapter. Then of course there are the other lovely proposal elements, the overview, the target audience, comparative titles, marketing and promotion. For some reason, I'm not as anxious as I usually am, which worries me. It's like that Anna Quindlen observation about her mother, who she said believed that by worrying hard enough about a thing, she could ensure it wouldn't happen. I think I might have a touch of that superstition myself.
This time, though, I'm also excited. My cousin Helen, an intuitive life coach and spiritual therapist who I can say from personal experience really knows what she's doing, once told me that excitement can feel a lot like nervousness. I'd wager there's a mix of the two going on in me right now, as I try not to over prepare while simultaneously worrying about not being adequately prepared. I've been reading everything I can find about my subject, but the first interview, I tend to just to let it go wherever it will, because there is still everything to discover. Still, I will need to offer up an entry point, and I often don't know the right entry till I'm sitting across from the person.
This woman has a fascinating life, especially the early part—the narrative potential is in already in plain view. But I will have to find the personal stories behind the public view of her later life. That part isn't obvious yet. We're meeting in a restaurant tomorrow, which isn't always ideal for taping or for wading into emotional terrain. But for the first meeting, I prefer to let the subject choose the venue. I try to go with the flow, help establish comfort and trust in what is really a very intrusive process. Then maybe we can go from there to figure out better venues for delving deeper and excavating a life.
Yeah, I think I'm definitely excited. But now I have to go and pack, which is always so stressful, I'm not exactly sure why.
Ack - that superstition has a hold on me, too. If I'm not worrying, I worry that I'm jinxing whatever it is I should be worrying about. It's hard work to just relax. Why is that?
ReplyDeleteI love reading about your process, as I may have mentioned a time or two. It feels like you hold the stories you write so gently, so reverently, in your hands and mind.
jenny, thank you for that comment about holding people's stories reverently. I do try to do that, and it touches me that you understand. I'm sorry, though, that you also understand about that worry paradox. Yikes. We have noisy brains you and I.
Delete"I'm not as anxious as I usually am, which worries me." I loved that. I feel that about my life a lot and wonder why that is - that I am not as anxious as I used to be. But I still worry about everything too.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a wonderful adventure, enjoy it. Even though it may be kind of stressful, as least you are out of the house....ha
You'll be great.
thank you, liv. not just out of the house, but out of the city! it is good to change up one's routines.
DeletePacking is a major source of stress for me. When we lived full time in the RV, we didn't pack, the whole house went with us. So, when we did go somewhere, the thought of choosing it all, packing it all, and not forgetting important things was just overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping it all goes well and that you find that all important entry point.
Allison, i think you've hit on something for me. I always feel as if I'm forgetting something critical that will ruin the whole endeavor, as if there aren't stores everywhere! I think the idea of RVs appeal to me because you just bring a pared down version of life's accoutrements wherever you go. No thinking and rethinking. I get packing decision fatigue so easily, because how can I know beforehand how I will want/need to show up on any given day. And I'm responding a day after this post, our first meeting in the can, and the entry point was found, all was well.
DeleteWell, you know I understand about the packing! It's almost as if what I carry in that suitcase will define me as a person and of course that's crazy.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're not so anxious because by now YOU HAVE DONE THIS! You know what works best and you also know that being flexible is important because each and every person is different. Every story is different and has to be told in its own way and you have given that concept space in your process.
Does that make sense?
You have come to trust not only yourself but the process itself.
At least that's my theory.
And hell yes you should be excited! Now- great good luck and safe journeys.
Mary, I have done this, but somehow I still usually get crazy anxious. Unreasonably anxious, really. This time, I have a sense that this woman is my tribe, that I already know her, perhaps in dreams, perhaps from another life, I already love her even. There seems to be no wondering on my part if we will connect. I feel as if we already have. Is that weird? Our meeting yesterday went well. And we meet again today. Thanks for the good thought, always. (PS, she reminds me of Elizabeth! I just put that together. Similar wit and sensibility and brimming intelligence and not suffering fools gladly.)
DeleteI love reading about both your inner and outer processes. Your instincts are strong and well-honed. I so look forward to reading about this journey and the creative sparks it will generate. Have a safe trip.
ReplyDeleterobin, thank you. Here is to uncovering the story in all its rich brilliance! I am convinced it's there, and it's on me to find it. xo
DeleteI can certainly understand feeling some trepidation when you're about to embark on a big project. I like the openness with which you greet this initial interview, too. It's a great way to start, letting the subject choose the venue and letting the stories unfold on their own.
ReplyDeleteSteve, now the first two interviews are behind us, and she's fantastic! Very open, very willing to engage the process, not a lot of trepidation on her part. She is in politics, but she is also an artist. "Whatever you need for your creative process," she said. I love her already.
DeleteWhat your cousin Helen said about the similarity between feelings of nervousness and excitement is part of my experience. Some fears can be transformed into curiosity. I love hearing how your books are created. It is a rich process. Intuitive, courageous. Trusting yourself to solve the puzzles. There seems to be rhythm and timing involved.
ReplyDeleteam, you described the process exactly. Right now, I am at the stage of having to trust that I will know what to do, because it is not yet clear. But a day at a time, I see a little more. Thank you, friend.
DeleteI hope all went well with your subject in Washington DC! I need your cousin Helen right about now. :)
ReplyDeleteDrita, Helen is truly gifted. I am privileged to call her family. If you really do want to talk to her, send me an email and I'll give you her contact info.
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