When you’re a freelancer working from home, Sunday is just another workday. I’m using work to keep brooding at bay today, to banish the self-flagellating thoughts that hijacked my pain body as I lay awake for the hour or so before daybreak. I am unable to make things happen that I wish I could achieve. I am unable to make my cousin who is an addict stay at the assisted living home where she has been recovering from injuries inflicted by her partner, who for 30 years now has been abusive. We found her a place to live where he wouldn’t be able to get to her, a place with green lawns and trees, but she wants to go back him and denies he’s ever hit her, as if we are not to believe the evidence of our eyes and the ER doctors’ reports. I feel powerless to make her stay where she is safe, where she is getting nourishing meals and medical care. I imagine my Aunt Winnie looking down and weeping that we still have not managed to secure her child.
In more trivial news, I kind of love this chair.
It's sad and I know you feel helpless and in truth, you are. There are some people who just cannot be helped for whatever reason. No matter what you do to make their lives better, there is some need or deficiency that always drives them back. Short of having her declared mentally incompetent and getting someone to take over making the decisions concerning her life and basically holding her prisoner there is nothing you can do and that is harder to do than you may think and has different repercussions. I'm so sorry this is weighing on you.
ReplyDeleteI like the chair too but for me the most important aspect of a chair or couch is comfort, something I can settle into and at this point in my life that requires a footstool.
I'm so sorry about the situation with your cousin. So difficult watching our loved ones make decisions that are not in their best interests and that jeopardize their safety. I have no doubt that your Aunt Winnie knows how much you have tried to help and have done everything you can possibly do. She knows. Sending love and light to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThat's a difficult situation, but ultimately, you've done all you can do. Your cousin has to want to help herself. She has to see the need.
ReplyDeleteTruly an awful situation, but sometimes it is the case that no matter how hard one tries to help a family member or friend in a situation like this that person ignores or rejects the help and caring offered. It seems that you have done all you can and you should take comfort in that, as hard as it may be for you to do.
ReplyDeleteI love that chair. :)
It is not at all easy to refrain from unintentionally hurting ourselves, too, when those we love are hurting. I picture you resting yourself and good heart in that beautiful chair and finding moments of peace. I recall sitting in a chair like that several stories up in downtown Seattle, watching the city lights slowly replace the daylight, feeling my troubles fall away from me. Sending love.
ReplyDeleteNobody can save your cousin but your cousin. Your Aunt Winnie is in a place where she knows this. Maybe one day your cousin will wake up, before the guy kills her. Nothing you can do that you haven't done. Pray unceasingly.
ReplyDeleteI think I love that chair too. Unfortunately, you can do nothing more for your cousin except pray and hope. Thanks for the link you sent today.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most heartbreaking thing- to hold someone so dear who is so intent on self-destruction. Something inside your cousin is broken somehow and you, my dear, darling woman, cannot fix it no matter how much you want to. I know you know that.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for her and all who love her, care about her.
As to the chair- what's NOT to love! That green! the shape, the fabric! It looks like velvet! I would buy that chair in a heartbeat.
I am so sorry that your cousin is experiencing this kind of abuse and that she won't accept the loving support you offer and the safety of an assisted living environment. I hope that she can someday be strong enough in all ways to make the changes. You have offered your love and heart.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about your cousin. This is truly heartbreaking. The chair looks great. It is a very nice size and has a back to support your shoulders. Is it comfy when you sit in it? If it checks all your boxes, I'd be tempted to buy two.
ReplyDeleteI have thought about this all day, and the heart ache it's causing you. Situations like this are so bad on so many fronts. Ultimately, she's an adult and she'll do what she will do, even though you want to make her stop it. It's sad, all the way around.
ReplyDeleteThe chair is magnificent. Does it come with a foot stool? I'm with Ellen, the feet need to be off the ground some.
It must be frustrating to want to help and try to help but can't help. You are there for her and that is all you can do right now.
ReplyDeleteThat is a fancy chair - like a cushy throne! I love the color!
That is the hard part isn't it? Accepting the will of others to do as they please. It's a struggle I know all too well. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAnd I like the chair too but in my house it would be covered in dog and cat hair, so a no go. I need fabric that hides the hair:)
Sadly as the old saying goes "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". I know a thing or two about this and if you don't accept the fact you have done the best you can, it will tear you apart.
ReplyDeleteThe author is JoAnn Butler and her website is rebelpuritan.com it appears well researched as she has used primary sources as well as others. I found the website when I went looking for a history of Herodias Long and looked at her sources. In the books, she explains her research and tells the reader what is fiction and what isn't. Interesting if you like seventeenth century colonial history in New Wngland.
ReplyDeleteOh, 37p ... how I feel for your pain in trying to do the right thing, the good thing, and being thwarted. It is a feeling of such helplessness. I have felt the same in different circumstances (with my mom). The woman I spoke with from the geriatric clinic said that sometimes all we can do is let go, after we've done all we can; we have to accept risk for our loved ones if we cannot fix things for them. It's very hard to do, though. Hugs, my friend.
ReplyDelete