Work and play

 

My favorite public place to go to and work when I was feeling distracted, lonely, or uninspired at home was the cafe at the Barnes and Noble in my hood. But the bookstore just underwent a major renovation, and they moved the cafe to the second floor, away from the enormous arched windows of the mezzanine that used to imbue the space with a sense of poetry. Now the cafe is just a boring square space with square windows and square tables, and nothing inspiring about it at all. Plus it's out of the way behind the young adult section, accessible only through a maze of bookshelves, where before you could look down over the mezzanine railing and take in the sweep of books and customers browsing on the ground floor. So now I've adopted a new public coworking space, this one at my husband's museum. The great part is, at the end of his workday, he just swings by the newly opened reading room to get me, and I drive home with him. The con is there's no coffee bar always at the ready, and the ebb and flow of people isn't quite as busy or as interestingly eccentric as it was at the cafe. But hey, my man's nearby, and the window is plenty poetic. Imagine me here sometimes, working away, because that's mostly what I do these days as I trundle toward my deadline.

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I did see Oppenheimer with my husband, our daughter-in-law, and one of my nieces. We were all mostly riveted, though my three companions found the film about thirty minutes too long. I was less bothered by the length, as the characters were so well drawn and beautifully acted, especially Emily Blunt as Robert Oppenheimer's strong-minded and emotionally complicated wife Kitty. The film definitely glossed over all sorts of salient and devastating details, like the Mexican-American and Indigenous communities that lived downwind from the Trinity bomb test whose families have been riddled with terminal cancers for generations since. Despite such indefensible omissions, as a piece of art and an imperfect representation of history, it was worth seeing, at least for me. 

I also ran off in the middle of the day and saw Barbie with my friend Lisa yesterday, the two of us deciding to see the movie on a whim, because we wanted to understand the whole conversation happening about it. Plus we wanted to support director Greta Gerwig. I enjoyed it but didn't truly love it. I found the character of Ken to be a mess, and the message about the patriarchy and how we deal with it head-scratchingly inconsistent. Still, Margo Robbie was great as Barbie, and after she confesses at one point that she feels inadequate, America Ferrera in the character Gloria delivers a monologue about women's role in society that was definitely a cultural moment. Maybe the movie was worth seeing for that alone, because I feel moved to record her lines here. Don't read any further if you plan to see the movie and don't want spoilers. 

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Gloria's monologue in Barbie:

It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining.

You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.