I am having a rare and lovely day of being able to choose what I want to work on. My monster project is done, it was well received, and I don't yet have another pressing commitment, so the day is deliciously mine. It's cold out, but sunny. The men are at work and I have the house all to myself, it is full of peace today, and tonight I will meet two of my women friends for dinner, then come home and curl up next to my love. I lay awake for hours before daybreak this morning, but the usual angst that comes during predawn wakefulness never made an appearance. My mind skipped like stones across a clear pool, and I let the ripples take me wherever they wanted, and I was mercifully free of anxiety. At one point I looked across at my husband, holding fast to sleep before the alarm rang and he'd have to wake and get dressed for work, and I marveled at the fact that for almost three decades now I have shared a bed with this man, spent my most vulnerable hours of the day next to him, all worldly artifice abandoned, and it suddenly seemed like the most intense act of intimacy I could imagine. Now here I am at my magic light box again, and when I look up, I see those glittery red hearts that sit on top of the armoire where my laptop lives. I want to declare that all is well, but my superstitious nature won't let me. It whispers that as soon as I say it, it will no longer be true, something will blindside me, so I won't say it, I will leave it unsaid and allow it to continue to be so. Happy Thursday.
this post feels like a long sigh of well-being. i hope you can start stacking up moments like this, angella...that the dogs of anxiety have been banished -- perhaps sent off to snap at the heels of people who deserve it. enjoy the peace.
ReplyDeleteWoman- you know I know exactly what you're talking about.
ReplyDeleteIt is a goodness. All of it.
I hope you've loved every light-filled second of this day and continue to do so.
I know you wrote this for yourself, but I needed it. Like a breath. xo
ReplyDeleteAllowing it to continue to be is exactly what we all should do. Living in the moment. Yes.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a glorious day. And how blessed that you have someone so special to share those moments with. I wish for you many more days like this where you can experience "the lightness of being"
ReplyDeleteWhew! That's got to be a HUGE relief, to have the project done. Enjoy your free time! As Maggie May said above, this IS like a breath.
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