I didn’t know I would rail against aging in this unseemly way. When I was young, I didn’t understand why people didn’t gracefully embrace growing older, and the faces and bodies that came with that. My husband and I, as newlyweds, romanticized growing old together. Well, now we are doing it. Although it’s fair to say, growing old with this man is perhaps the best part of growing old. Romantic even. He is so calm about it all, so nonplussed by the changes in us, so wryly humorous about the aches and pains and slowing down, so accepting of where we find ourselves. For all his exasperating ways (not going to the doctor, not following through on anything involving official documents—thank God he has me), he’s easy to live with. I got lucky that way. And he did finally go for a medical check up this week. His heart and bloodwork are doing fine.
So. Indictment number four for the orange ectoplasm. Ruth Marcus, a legal thinker I respect, is of the opinion that the Georgia case—based on conspiracy to overturn the 2020 election—might be one indictment too many. I do not agree. Not by a mile. If Trump or any other Republican (except maybe Liz Cheney) wins the White House in 2024, Trump will be pardoned, and every federal case against him will go away. Georgia, being a state matter, is the only case that he cannot be pardoned for, the only one a Republican chief executive can’t just wipe off the books. So I don’t see this fourth indictment as piling on at all. He did everything they say he did. We saw him do it. Innocent until proven guilty in a court of law is the standard. Well, apply the standard to Donny boy too. Throw the whole damn book of charges at him. Looks like Fani Willis did just that. I am in awe of her courage. Of Jack Smith’s too. Of all the people putting their very lives on the line to uphold the rule of law. We all know, this is going to be dangerous and ugly. Everything involving Trump is dangerous and ugly. But we dare not shrink from what needs to be done. Bring it all the way on, I say.
Here is a picture my daughter sent me a while back. Her brother and his love were visiting. These beautiful beings make me happy. Along with my girl and her love, they make my life in microcosm sweet indeed. The trick I suppose is the keep the lens small, and pointed at the happy.
Whenever I see myself in a mirror unprepared it's a jolt, let me tell you! My husband still looks like himself, I'm a whole different person, the size of a couple of persons.
ReplyDeleteThe country is in a precarious place. If he doesn't go to prison, I think we are in serious, serious trouble.
Sandra, acceptance of self is a hard road isn't it? I am doing my darnest to travel it. I do think our nation is in serious trouble yet still hope we can be saved. Yours in solidarity! xo
DeleteTrump wouldn't be the first criminal to finally get his due from a RICO charge. We shall see about that.
ReplyDeleteAs to the aging- I do not have the words to describe how incredibly shocked and dismayed I am to realize I had no idea what it would be like. But yes, thank goodness for husbands who seem to accept it all with more grace.
Mary, we are lucky in this way. On the other hand, if I could grow a lovely beard as our men have, I wouldn't worry about my neck. Just kidding of course. Yet... not. But you know what, my dear one, you absolutely rock. You have no idea how beautiful you are. It's so easy for me to see that in you. I suppose I need to see that in myself too.
DeleteAll of the sayings that I used to dismiss are starting to make sense to me: "Getting old is not for sissies!" "The golden years are tarnished."
ReplyDeleteIt's unnerving to imagine what comes next...
Ellen, my mom used to say the same things! With feeling. I remember I smiled indulgently with absolutely no clue what she was talking about. Ah, the obliviousness of the young. But you know what, we're going to be ok.
DeleteMy husband died in March, aged 63. We were together for 36 years, married for 32. I would give everything I have for the chance to grow old with him
ReplyDeleteS
Dear S, thank you so much for sharing that. Your comment really puts everything in perspective. I am so sorry for your loss, and only pray your memories can be some comfort. Not the same, I know. Sending love to you.
DeleteI am so sorry - I feel that I have diverted your post from your intended message , which is important and needs to be heard . Grief has made
Deleteme selfish, angry and jealous. Widowed at 58.
Living a life I don’t want .
S
S, please don't apologize. Your sentiment feels completely honest and true, not at all selfish, though I would certainly understand anger. I almost lost my own husband in 2017, he came so close, but emergency open heart surgery, and an aortic valve transplant, saved him, so there but for the fates go I. I am not in your shoes, but I was at the door, so I feel a great sadness that you actually had to walk through that terrible door. I am glad you are here, and that you commented. Please know that I hold you in my heart.
DeleteS, I hear you. My husband died at 66 in January 2021. We were married for almost 40 years. Trust me - things will get better. It won't be the same, and it will take time, but it will get better gradually. And remember, you can hold grief in one hand and joy in the other. It's important to know that that's possible and normal. My heart goes out to you.
DeleteI hear you on aging. My skin has completely changed in the last two years; it looks crepey and has age spots and I have watched it become thus before my very eyes. It's horrifying, some days. Other days I just don't look at it :)
ReplyDeleteYou have such beautiful children and they have such beautiful partners. I wonder if they wonder about aging? I didn't. Hah.
Dear jenny, S's comment above has really reoriented my thinking, in a way I know you will understand. I know you wish you could grow old with your dear husband, too. Thank you for your kind comments here, always. You are a generous soul. Love.
DeleteI do understand, and have left a comment for S. But also know that we all feel different things and one person's feelings do not negate another's. Everyone's feelings are valid, and that is what is important.
DeleteAnd thank you for your kindnesses to me, which have been many :)
Getting old happens. Spending 10 years in the Arizona desert before sun screen existed did my skin in. It used to bother me a lot, but then I said to myself, I'm old, no one looks at me anymore, so screw it. It's sort of liberating.
ReplyDeleteAllison, no one is looking at me that way either. It is a liberating thought! What do I imagine I should look like anyway? Thanks for being here, friend.
Deletebeing 64 was a very hard year for me. that was the year I started suddenly visibly aging...a lot. I sort of got over it by doing the year of the selfie, every Friday I would take a selfie and put it on my blog. by the time I turned 65 I had come to a sort of acceptance. quite frankly, I don't get the whole white skin is the best and most beautiful. I'm white, we had a beach house when I was growing up and raising my own kids. my skin is crepey with scaley spots, brown spots, dotted with tiny red spots, every scar I ever had is back, the veins in my wrists stick out blue against the white. but, you know, it's the skin I have. but you know what else? I am freer than I have ever been. children and grandkids grown, parents both passed away, retired, not beholden to anyone for anything, all my responsibilities completed. no, I don't have the strength or stamina I used to have but I work at staying fit and healthy. there is no age really that I would want to go back to if I had to deal with the things I dealt with. I was looking at my face in the mirror yesterday, at 73, I'm OK with it.
ReplyDeleteEllen, you have such a healthy attitude about self-acceptance. I remember your Friday portraits. As I recall you were unflinching, and yet so beautiful in every single image, your face told stories of life fully lived, and that is how I shall endeavor to think of my own face. Thank you for that reframe.
DeleteEvery day I get older, I see my old Dad in the mirror and think to myself, "how did this happen, but at least I get to see my Dad again."
ReplyDeleteOrange ectoplasm, lol. Can't wait for that vile man to finally get his comeuppance.
I also do not agree that Georgia is one indictment too many. I just don't understand how people say that. We're tired of Trump breaking the law? Reading all that he and his gang did, especially to those poll workers, and people think he and his gang shouldn't be charged? They deserve everything that is hopefully coming their way. I applaud Fani Willis. I can only imagine the threats her family are getting.
ReplyDeleteThis aging thing is hard. I fell today while walking the dogs, fortunately just skinned my knee. As for trump, the man is a waste of skin.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on Georgia -- it's important to prosecute Trump outside federal jurisdiction, AND it's important to prosecute all of his cronies (Rudy, Sidney, Jenna) including those who weren't included in earlier indictments.
ReplyDeleteI'm already surprised by my appearance sometimes. (Especially when I forget to shave!)
Is that Munch in the photo? He's HUGE!
"Keep the lens small and point it at happy" will be my new mantra. Thank you!
ReplyDelete