Monday, November 15, 2010

It's not about the doors

Stressed in that tight, clenched, knotted-at-the-core-of-me way. I'm so raw underneath. This morning, another kitchen cabinet door came off its hinges and I felt like the thing was just fucking with me. I wanted to rip all the poorly-installed doors off their hinges and start again. But when would we ever replace them? My husband and his electric drill have been patching that inherited problem week after week for nine years now. We will have to endure more. The money is tied up elsewhere. Cleared the mail box last night after willfully ignoring it for a week. I didn't know why I was ignoring it until I saw that fat envelope informing us that our tax returns from a long-past year have been selected for "examination." Damn. But can you tell I'm veering away from really delving into what is stressing me? I wrote it all down before and then I inadvertently deleted it. I take it to mean I was oversharing. Or God wants me to just be quiet for a minute.

I'm listening, God.


  1. This kind of stress and sadness seems to be going round, it's a time of year that can be hard. Keep your head up, beautiful.

  2. Have you seen the movie The Money Pit, where Tom Hanks and Shelly Duvall buy an old house and renovate it? The "before" version is Willow Manor. Something is always falling apart or blowing up. I can certainly relate here. Sometimes I can tolerate it and sometimes it feels like the straw that's going to break this female camel's back!

  3. I appreciate you, Maggie May. Thank you.

    Willow, if anyone is equal to Willow Manor, I bet it's you! But I know what you mean about some days.

  4. ah.. life is strange sometimes. I don't think I'm materialistic , but things seem to come in batches. our home is getting tired and those are big ticket renovations. and with university tuitions, looming xmas , and the idea that for some reason we thought we'd be "doing well" by now, well it's hard.

    I'm quite sure you are feeling the accumulation of much stress lately.
    Thinking of you.
    And you know, it's trendy to have cupboards without door fronts right now.

  5. Uh-uh-uh. Don't you dare say you're not supposed to talk about what's really stressing you after what I've been writing for the past few days!
    Here we are. We don't know what over-sharing would mean! And God? Hey- he gave you the ability to think and type, right?
    (Really- I just want you to know that whatever you're feeling is important.)

  6. deb, an older friend told us that once our kids were out of college we'd suddenly have more disposable income than we know what to do with (assuming we remain employed, of course). I can't wait. i am grateful to call you my friend.

  7. Ms Moon, touche! you are right, there is no such thing as oversharing when one's sanity is involved! but when i accidentally deleted the post, i didn't have the energy to write it all again. Perhaps the act of writing it the first time was therapy enough. But you have no idea how much I appreciate your caring enough to comment in this way. Thank you, dear Ms Moon. you are an awesome soul.