Saw this while roving the inter webs and it felt so true: “Blood makes you related. Love makes you family.”
*
Shan felt like family right from the start. She worked from our dining table last week while her love recovered from knee surgery on our couch. She attended a wedding in Cabo on the weekend, an epic affair in which she was a bridesmaid. After a Mercury retrograde plagued flight home on Sunday night, she spent Monday and most of Tuesday with us, but then she began to feel unwell and decided to go home just in case she was coming down with anything contagious. Today she tested positive for Covid, but is thankfully already on the mend, her worst most feverish day having been yesterday. She feels terrible that she likely exposed us, and I tried to assure her these situations are just an inevitable part of life now. I feel no angst about any of it, and even hugged her when she was leaving on Tuesday, though I knew she might have more than a cold. It's too soon to take a test ourselves, but we aren’t experiencing any symptoms so far. I trust the man and I will remain negative, as we're supposed to attend our daughter's love's graduation from business school in Boston next week. Our children have given us wonderful heart children who if all goes according to plan will one day co-parent our grandchildren. Already we couldn't love them more.
*
I went to the endocrinologist yesterday, not the ancient one but another doctor in the practice who came very highly recommended as well. He did my blood work and adjusted my meds and I felt heard and validated. I'll see him again in a couple of months to further assess everything. The dire feelings have passed, yet I sense I’m in transition somehow, treading water, waiting for the next indicated thing to become clear. I might be a little numbed out, marking time till something sparks. Or maybe it’s just been a long two years, and Covid is rising again, and ten Black people buying groceries were gunned down in Buffalo, and I worry about the minefields my children and their loves must negotiate in this land Rebecca refers to as "Terrible America," and dear God I’m tired.
Oh Lord. We never will be done with this plague, will we? I'm glad that Shannon is not having horrible symptoms. I'm also glad that the endocrinologist listened and adjusted.
ReplyDeleteTired. I know you are. Oh, my sweet friend- it is all too much these days. Sometimes I think we are all heroes, just getting up, out of bed, and facing our days. I am holding your hand.
I feel your hand dear Mary. And yes, I think Covid is here to stay. Perhaps it will one day just be another cold or flu, but as yet there are still too many unknowns to completely let down our guard. Still, one cannot live one's entire life in a state of vigilance. I think its part of why we're all so tired. Medical and social vigilance. Too much.
DeleteHope Shan recovers smoothly and you don't get it. Glad the endocrinologist was able to help you. I am at a loss for words about our fractured country. Wishing you peace and calm.
ReplyDeleteEllen, peace and calm is the loveliest of wishes, thank you.
DeleteI wish I had words of wisdom to write here. I don't. I have only love my heart and my hand outstretched reaching for yours. We're all in this mess together, worried, full of fear and anxiety, and waiting for what comes next. We breathe deeply and exhale and find hope.
ReplyDeleteRobin, I think it's so important to keep each other in sight, to remind ourselves that the awful news coming over the airwaves are not the whole truth. You gentle the air in this place, thank you.
DeleteWe get along well with our son-in-law but our daughter-in-law is a real piece of work. She has never ever wanted to be a part of the family she joined and has done her best to cut our son out. She's agoraphobic to boot, never leaves her house. So I'm so happy that your children chose such wonderful companions.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't get covid but it's just a fact of life now and I imagine as the planet continues to warm it won't be the last. And I'm just sick at heart at all the hate roiling around in this country. And 18 year old so full of hate that he killed 10 people minding their own business just because they have more pigment in their skin. What the fuck!
ellen, it must be so painful to feel your son is at a remove from you, but I have learned we can love from a distance, not ideal or fully satisfying, but love nevertheless. I think if that 18 year old gunman had learned a little of our country's true history, taught with honesty and compassion, he might have carried less hate inside him. Hate poisons the hater, but it can darn well kill other people too. WTF indeed.
DeleteWe've turned away from our moral compass. Without faith, hope, and love and some faith-based teaching where self doesn't come first, I'm convinced we will remain lost. We as a society seem to be choosing the dark path. Kim in PA
DeleteSending love, love, love.
ReplyDeleteLove to you, too, dear one.
DeleteYour post reminds me of the comfort I get from knowing my daughter has an amazing partner; your post also speaks to the discomfort...the confusion...the incredulity...the ache I feel living in a world where radicalized people have lost their humanity. You are not alone.
ReplyDeleteDB, i feel how deeply you understand the duality of this moment, the love and comfort on the one hand, the sorrow and yes, incredulity, on the other. Thank you for commenting. The people in this virtual place do often help me feel less alone.
DeleteI don't understand the US and it's love of guns. I also hate that saying, guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well let me tell you, if those people didn't have guns, they wouldn't be killing people. It's the stupidest argument ever. And why is that teenager so full of hatred for people who don't look exactly like him? Why is the world so fucked up?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that your daughter in law to be got to spend time with you. It's too bad that she ended up with covid though. I keep waiting but touch wood, we've been lucky so far.
Pixie, I often wonder if I might have had covid with minimal symptoms, as it seems so unlikely that the man and I have not caught it, even though all our children (by blood and love) have had their turns. We've been lucky, too, although we do still wear masks when we go out.
DeleteEndocrinologists are a must for any thyroid disorder, I think. I have Hashimoto's, and my regular (former!) doctor just couldn't be bothered with the nuances of the disease. I too needed a dose adjustment of my Synthroid back in the fall; was feeling so depressed, which I never am. Was so awful. And for me, based on my endocrinologist's recommendation, gluten free eating has been the best thing I did.
ReplyDeleteElle, I am finding it so remarkable, based your comment here and the comments on my last post, how many of us women have low thyroid function or Hashimoto's. My depression when I was under medicated felt so real, and yet it is a mere memory now, little more than a week later. Do doctors who aren't endocrinologists really understand how dangerous it is for us to be under medicated? They probably think the emotional symptoms are all in our heads, rather than having a basis in body chemistry. Women's symptoms, especially emotional ones, are far too often dismissed in this way. Thank you for commenting.
DeleteAfter two years and more of Covid I find that I am becoming that "Angry Woman" Sick of explaining that not all lockdowns were the same, why I am triple vexed, why I wear a mask (and a KN95 one at that) And why I did get Covid on Easter Sunday despite all my precautions. Simply covid is a virus and changes its stripes frequently so we are probably in this for the long haul. Someone said to me "see, the vaccine doesn't work, you got Covid" My reply was that it kept me from the hospital and dying so it did work for me. And I know that my reply was harsh but sometimes I just don't care. God bless you for this blog, you are a joy.
ReplyDeleteI am so very happy that the endocrinologist actually listened to you, so often they do not. It was surprising to me how awful untreated low thyroid levels can make you feel, and mess with your head. I have learned something from you again. So, I guess Covid will never be over, we're trying to decide what to do with our remaining time on earth. Get on a plane? Stay in the house? It's a risk assessment I don't know how to make.
ReplyDelete