Sunday, May 15, 2022

Sunday morning coming down

I have been doing a lot of reading on Dr. Google this morning and have concluded that I am under medicated for my low thyroid function. My doctor decreased my dose three months ago, and since then I have been extremely fatigued and sleeping fitfully, but the very worst part is the dangerously dire moods, the dark thoughts that swirl inside my head, and now I am remembering that this is exactly how it felt right after my son was born, and my thyroid went out of whack, and it took seeing four doctors before finding one who didn't dismiss my exhaustion, lethargy, drenching melancholy, climbing weight, constant chill despite it being warm outside, and hair falling out in perfect half moons at my temples, as simply post-partum symptoms. There was nothing simple about it.

When the last doctor I saw finally diagnosed me, and put me on levothyroxine, a thyroid replacement hormone, I felt back to normal within a week. But recently, after my current doc reduced my dosage for the second time, I began to feel as if I was moving underwater with lead weights attached to my limbs, and I was also weathering all manner of catastrophic mind fucks, and feeling unreasonably emotional about the slightest and possibly imagined shifts in the  air. (Maybe that's why all the kitchen reno decisions felt so hard.) Three days ago, I went back to my previous dosage because I still had some pills left and the difference in how I feel today is marked. No longer do I feel (as I said to my son) as if I had covid and didn't know it, but am now suffering from long covid. No longer do I feel as if my most significant relationships are crumbling and my marriage is on the brink of divorce. No longer do I feel, dear God, can I say it, no I can't, it's too extreme to write, so I'll use the euphemism: No longer do I feel like what is the point of it all?

I was going to call my doc and request that she reinstate my previous dosage, which I had been doing fine on. She'd lowered it based on the results of a TSH test, which is only one of five tests needed to get the full thyroid picture, according to multiple sources on Dr. Google. When I told my husband my plan, he said, "Why don't you just go see an endocrinologist instead?" Duh. So I began researching who might be good, only to discover that in 2018 one of the city's leading hospital systems opened a whole treatment center devoted entirely to the diagnosis and treatment of thyroid disorders. They even take my insurance. 

And so first thing Monday morning, I will call to make an appointment with one of the doctors there, who specializes in thyroid, diabetes, and bone diseases (hello, arthritis and joint pain), and who has more than a hundred five star reviews. He looks ancient in his picture, but is apparently accepting new patients, so I shall endeavor to engage his expertise and see what transpires. In the meantime, I will continue taking the higher dosage of my thyroid meds, because not feeling like your presence on this earth is an affront even to yourself is reason enough. 

And that is my Sunday morning testimony.


21 comments:

  1. I am so tired of fighting with doctors to continue meds that work when so often I know exactly what I need. I am so tired of fighting with the new doctors who rotate through my clinic each new doctor with a different idea. Tired of male doctors. I feel you darling R. Rebecca

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  2. Oh, Rosemarie. (((big hugs))) I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, physically and emotionally. It certainly sounds like a thyroid issue and I hope you're able to see the ancient doctor soon for more long-term relief. Please don't ever feel your presence isn't needed or wanted -- it most certainly is for me, even through the threads of cyberspace. Much love and healing to you, my friend.

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  3. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I so wish I lived close by so I could come over and hug you. I hope you get an appointment with that new doc right away, and I hope his medical interventions will work in every good way for you. Please take care and know in your heart you have support coming from near and far.

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  4. Well done! Look after yourself. Doctors are not always the experts. I hope you get an appointment soon

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  5. Finding a new doctor and dentist has been the WORST part of moving out of state. We had such a good PCP in Tucson. Getting a doc that will listen to what you're saying is such a gift. Here's hoping that your new one works out for you.

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  6. This is such good news that you have been able to locate a source for your recent physical, mental, and emotional difficulties. You know yourself well.
    I see your clarity and strong spirit in that extraordinarily beautiful and revealing photo. Sending love always.

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  7. I also have low thyroid and my dosage of levothyroxine was recently raised. I knew it needed to be before the test that told my doc. Bless your husband for suggesting the endocrinologist!! Hope the doctor is as good as they say and he says what he should!

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  8. I'm so glad you had this insight and hope you get an appointment quickly. We are the ones who live in our bodies and know what we are feeling; doctors are there to help but not to take over. Big hugs, my friend.

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  9. I also take levothyroxine. Never suffered any symptoms and the only reason it was discovered is because the GYN had a thyroid test run when I stopped having periods at 44. So off to the internist who said my test result numbers were just outside the high normal so I refused the meds because once on them my body would never recover on it's own. Turns out bodies are lazy like that. So he made me get tested every year and one year it skyrocketed. He insisted on the med and I agreed because I was starting to feel like I had a lump in my throat. The main thin I don't like about the levothyroxine is one of the side effects is intolerance to heat. Not a good thing if you live on the coastal plains of Texas. My dose increased slowly over time but has been holding steady for years now. I'm glad you are listening to your body and I'm surprised your doctor lowered your dose.

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  10. Thank goodness for a new pathway and a new approach. Wishing for you a five star worthy experience too!

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  11. That's wonderful news. My thyroid went out of whack after my oldest was born, hyperthyroid, then back to normal and then hypothyroid after Katie was born so I've been on synthroid for 30 years.

    What a relief it must be to have energy back and no more black thoughts. I get that way when I take pepcid for more than a week. It's frightening. Sending hugs and love.

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  12. Amen and hallelujah! May this new (old) doctor have the wisdom of experience to know what is going on and the wisdom of age to listen to his patient. Sounds like you've figured it out.

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  13. Yes! No one knows your body better than you. I'd been on the same dosage of Synthroid since 1977. Suddenly my world tilted and I limped along for several years while fighting some of the worst symptoms that no doctor was willing to address. Then came the day I decided to be my own advocate after a mysterious growth in my neck traveled down the right side and toward my chest. I drooled. My PCP did nothing.

    One doctor, whom I'd grown to trust after ten years told me to "push back from the dinner table." This was after a major loss of appetite and I ate very little but continued to gain weight; extreme tiredness, insomnia and a host of other odd "extremes" were debilitating. I requested a referral to a doctor who might know what was going on; my PCP referred me to a surgeon. I never saw him after the surgery. There was never a follow-up appointment, no discussion of what he had found. Thyroid tissue had grown in places it shouldn't. I'd gained weight when I've always been thin. I had difficulty breathing. The surgeon removed the gland and tissue. After surgery no one changed my Synthroid dosage until I asked to see a new doctor. Enteerd a lovely, funny, irreverent Dr. Muhammed who listened. He increased the Synthroid dosage and it served me well until I lost a lot of weight, the brain fog diminished, the emotional whiplash righted itself---then it became too much. The opposite of too little thyroid supplement can be just as sickening. I decided to take the loser dose from the pre-surgical days and have done well. I'd have gone back to Dr. M but COVID got in the way. Oddly enough, I have to shave my legs and arm pits now. I need more frequent haircuts and had to deal with acne! My skin is amazing now that the acne stopped as mysteriously as it started. And I have a great appetite, I sleep well . . . Moral of my story? Always, always, always listen to your body. And make sure a good physician listens to YOU.

    Thanks for sharing your experience.
    Be well.

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    1. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease earlier this year. My GP ordered blood tests because I was tired, having gone sweats, brain fog etc and I thought maybe it was the peri menopause. Turned out it was under active thyroid which had also caused severe anaemia and low vitamin D. I went to see an endocrinologist and he prescribed levithyroxine which I have gradually been increasing and finally feel good on 75 micrograms. He also prescribed yoga, a daily walk and the Mediterranean diet. I know what you mean by the feeling that life is over. And how quickly that feeling lifts when the medication level is right. Now, I am hoping my hair will stop falling out?

      I never commented before but often read you. Love from England , Anna

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  14. I'm so glad you decided to go back to your old dosage. I'm mystified why your doctor would even change it based on incomplete test results. Good for you for going to a specialist! (The American medical system is a mess for a lot of people, but if you have good insurance it's pretty amazing.)

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  15. Hope you get the answers you need to feel better. It is good that you are looking for solutions that work better for you.

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  16. I'm glad you will see an Endocrinologist. My Endocrinologist told me the normal range for TSH is the size of a football field. Taking matters in your own hands is important, especially when health is involved. Health care is complicated today and not always working in our best interest.

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  17. Oh Girl, I was going to suggest an endocrinologist and so glad that your going to see the Ancient doctor to take care of your Thyroid. I have a appointment with one on June 20th. It is a ways but it really is good to get in to one.
    Feel Better soon and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. (Yes I pray) lol.
    Stay Safe My Friend. xoxoxo

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  18. I hope the new doctor sorts out your issues, but I'm also glad that increasing the dosage of your medication has improved your mental state. At least that will make you mentally stronger to cope with the physical pain.

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  19. Oh I do hope they get you feeling right quickly. It’s great that you’re seeing a specialist. Much love.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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  20. Lucky you, to live where you have access to specialized care. Clever you, to determine you need it. Good luck!! I will be looking forward to reports.

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