My daughter and niece are at the hair salon this morning, getting washed and deep-conditioned and styled. My own hair is at that unruly stage where I'm simply clipping off wayward spirals in the quest for a uniform silhouette. But it's too late now for a proper cut; it doesn't look right till a week or so after a trim, so maybe I will just keep clipping and remind myself that graduation is not about me, it's about our boy, and those of us who love him are gathering to celebrate his achievements, him.
When I was a kid, my mother intuited my awkwardness and used to counsel, "Just dress yourself nicely then forget about yourself." Even back then, I thought, But you're graceful all the time. It's easy for you not to think about how you move into a room. It wasn't a resentful thought, just a self-aware one. I do wish to forget about myself more, at least leading up to an event. Truth is, once the actual event is in motion, I give myself over, I'm usually okay then, but I get so caught up beforehand in the whats and ifs and whos. Maybe I need a few more layers of soft cloth to swaddle that brain engine. Or else I'll just stay focused on the pure musical joy of this: