Wednesday, June 8, 2011


I didn't want to go to work today. I wanted to stay home and gaze at the kids, so grown and competent, making breakfast, making plans for the day, not needing me to organize or facilitate anything, a glorious crew of four, my son and daughter, my son's girlfriend who's in town for the week, and his best friend, emerging one by one, freshly dressed to meet the day, so brilliant with youth and possibility it almost hurt to see it, except it didn't, it just made me want to sit and marvel and stay where everything was shiny and cheerful and for the moment carefree. My daughter, who sat her last final yesterday and has no school today while the teachers grade exams, will finally get to join the adventure, to roam the city with the college kids. They're going to walk the High Line, follow the path in an elevated park created along an old railway line, where the plants are allowed to be wild and exuberant, much as they are. A new section of the park opens up today. They will be there to inaugurate it and sit on the grass and who knows what else.

A billboard reflection in the glass wall of the High Line

Now I'm sitting in this meeting, wishing instead to be out in the world, weary at what lies before me this day, the stories that aren't working, the rewrites being asked for on the day before shipping, the need to reconcile the minds of the two, they don't agree, I don't agree, the tiredness in my center, in my heart place, a heaviness, a feeling of being hopelessly trapped, staccato breath pushing its way up and out as I feign calm capability, no problem, it can be done, it will be done, I am a worker among workers, even if I don't agree with you, I will make it so. Give me this day a fight that matters. The rest is process.

As for reasons, there is this. When I saw it just now, I remembered, this is why.


  1. sounds like my daughter's description of her days recently. not a good way to spend ones days.

  2. Angella, can I assume that today is your birthday? I went to the other site and that blogger looks familiar. If it is your birthday, I hope that you have a happy one. My 40th was something special. I hope that yours is too.
    Your Friend, m.

  3. Kristin, you are right. But sometimes we have to make it work, no pun intended. Happy to see you!

    Mark, haha, she does look familiar. No it's not my birthday. My birthday was May 3, I am a Taurus like you, I believe. She made the cake and took the pictures more than a month ago, for my birthday, but with schoolwork and finals she is only now getting the post up. her finals ended yesterday; it was a sweet surprise to see the post come up in my feed today. she is getting to exhale!

  4. angella,
    boy, do i know that place you were in when you wrote this. if it's any help at all, i can feel the stress and the frustration and the anger. your turn to ...when? do you have something special, restorative for you coming up to look forward to? if not, can you make that happen? i am a firm believer in TREATS.

  5. susan t, something restorative...yes. i have to schedule that, because treats are very necessary. my daughter and I will be traveling soon to see my mom. just for a few days. i sure am looking forward to it!

  6. Ask God to get you through the day. then take a vacation :)

  7. Daughters are great to have around when we need treats to boost our spirits. Hope the cake made all the difference.

  8. I love learning about the high line, wonderful pictures too- and that delicious cake, you lucky lady, but he work sounds like it's dragging you down, all i can think is, how lucky the writers are who have you as their editor, remember that.
    anonymously deirdre

    i hope this isn't being posted a dozen times, it's not going through, so if so pls delete...?xo

  9. Another taurus here (april 28). I think it may just be time for a vacation for you. Real time off and away.
    And I agree. I'd love it to have you as my editor, because no matter what you say (or write here), no matter how hard, sad, happy, even, it's always thoughtfull.
    Take care!

  10. Candice, soon, very soon. Next week to be exact. I will be out of the country for a few wonderful days.

    karena, thank you for stopping by and commenting. yes, daughters are the best. i hope you come again often.

    dierdre, thank you for the good thought! i am a lucky lady. the high line has become one of my favorite places in new york city.

    Miss A, my fellow taurus! one vacation coming up, next week. Waaay too short, but better than nothing.