Monday, August 27, 2012

It will be sunny one day

This article on depression by Kat Kinsman spoke to me today. I'm sharing it here just in case it speaks to someone else.

I am 14 years old, it's the middle of the afternoon, and I'm curled into a ball at the bottom of the stairs. I've intended to drag my uncooperative limbs upstairs to my dark disaster of a bedroom and sleep until everything hurts a little less, but my body and brain have simply drained down. I crumple into a bony, frizzy-haired heap on the gold shag rug, convinced that the only thing I have left to offer the world is the removal of my ugly presence from it, but at that moment, I'm too exhausted to do anything about it.

I sink into unconsciousness, mumbling over and over again, "I need help... I need help... I need help." I'm too quiet. No one hears.

Several months, countless medical tests and many slept-through school days later, a diagnosis is dispensed, along with a bottle of thick, chalky pills. There is palpable relief from my physician and parents; nothing is physically wrong with me (thank God, not the cancer they've quietly feared)—likely just a bout of depression. While it helps a little to have a name for the sensation, I'm less enthralled with the diagnosis, because I know it will return.

While this is the first time it's manifested heavily enough for anyone else to see it, I've been slipping in and out of this dull gray sweater for as long as I can remember.

Story continues here, along with resources, linked articles and hotlines.


  1. Thank you for sharing this article. I am going to share it with a friend who I hope will read it and take heart.

  2. Excellent resource post, dear Angella. I wish no one ever had to use it. But.
    Thank-you. We tend to think that since medications for depression have become so obtainable that it's an easier thing to deal with.
    I disagree. Yes, they can help, but they add a layer of guilt to the whole situation which MUST BE OVERCOME.
    Can I tell you I love you?
    And I forgot to say happy anniversary to you the other day. So...Happy Anniversary! You have such a handsome husband.

  3. I sent the link to my friend who I usually hear from multiple times a day when he is feeling well and who had pretty much stopped eating for the past 2 months and I hadn't heard from him in weeks. He responded and said he read it, found it helpful and that yesterday he had started to eat again, thanks to another friend. I know he has ups and downs but the ups are fewer and further between and the downs are longer and worse. He lives far away from me so I cannot go by. Thanks again for the links.

  4. the dull gray sweater.

    i hardly know what to say.