Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The things I fear

I dare not say them though at this moment I feel raked through and utterly hollowed out by them. As if they are real.

The things I need. They are simple, really, but elusive. This is not life, necessarily, but this is my life.

I called my sometime therapist who moved one state away, thinking to take the bus out to see her tonight, but she is out of the office on a project this week.

So I sit in my house alone this morning, the tears coming down, almost a surprise.


  1. Hey you are not alone sweetie. Sending you hugs and strength right now.

  2. This breaks my heart. I know you must really be hurting badly to think of taking a bus to another state to see your therapist. And then to find that she is not even available! I'm so sorry.
    I have no advice. I can only say I understand and I want you to know you will feel better. You will. There will be light again. There will be, Angella.

  3. go ahead and say them if you want...we are listening. Speak to someone.

  4. Sending you hugs and understanding and hope.

  5. Angella, here's a get-happy poem from me to you:

    Roses are red.
    Berries are blue.
    Pickles are purple
    and live in a zoo.

    Bananas are yellow
    like lemony jello
    Wait. A. Min. It...
    Pickles are purple?

  6. Holding your hand today and always.

  7. Oh how I know. How I know. And this, it's so intangible. All I can say is don't keep this to yourself. You are surrounded by people who love you and care. Share this pain. Many hugs.

  8. It always helps me to remember in such moments that they will pass -- moments of happiness and satisfaction will return. I think you just have to feel the fear and live with it until it moves on. (Easier said than done, I know.)

    In any case, I'm happy to be here, reading along and accompanying you. :)

    (I love Nancy's get happy poem -- LOL!)

  9. dear angella,
    i hope you left her a voice mail? sorry to be so pragmatic....but, she may be able to return your call.
    the sun is out here today. it is painful to imagine the clouds that hover over you. oh dear. i wish i were closer.
    much love... susan

  10. I am late reading this. Please go to Jamaica!