Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Tick Tock

I feel sad and emotionally weary today, especially when I contemplate the road ahead. I don't quite know where to place my feet. I know reinventing one's life takes time. Is it okay to just hide out today and let the minutes tick by without me trying to fill them with usefulness? The truth? I feel a little lost. I am very aware of trying to model for my children that you don't just fold when life throws curveballs. But today, I just want to sit out the inning and watch bad TV. Or read. Or simply stare at the wall. Better yet, the ceiling.


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19 comments:

  1. BirdieNovember 12, 2013 at 4:51 PM

    Then that is exactly what you should do. Have a nap while you are at it.

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  2. Ms. MoonNovember 12, 2013 at 5:21 PM

    Yes, yes, yes, yes.
    Rest.
    Love...Mary

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  3. ElizabethNovember 12, 2013 at 5:23 PM

    It seems to me that you have been "out there," busy and doing more picking yourself up than letting yourself just sit. I'm reading a book about de-schooling -- and it has lessons, I think, for all big life events. Basically, it calls for a period of time of near inactivity -- relaxation, open inquiry, etc. when you let go of all your preconceptions of what or how things "should" be. I know it's different when you've lost a job and need one, but I do think allowing yourself down time is probably really important, especially if it's done with an open heart and mind.

    Well, that's my two cents. If I were near you, I'd stop by with some baked item and we could have coffee and lament and laugh.

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    Replies
    1. 37paddingtonNovember 13, 2013 at 11:23 AM

      "it calls for a period of time of near inactivity -- relaxation, open inquiry, etc. when you let go of all your preconceptions of what or how things "should" be."

      Dear Elizabeth, you have no idea how calming this comment is for me. Thank you so much, friend. And oh my, a baked item from Elizabeth! I'm moving to LA tomorrow!

      Delete
    2. Vesuvius At HomeNovember 14, 2013 at 3:36 PM

      All I have to add is my resounding agreement with what Elizabeth said. You once told me that the quiet place is where writing lives. I think that applies here as well. The quiet and inactivity is healthy and necessary for something to spark.

      Delete
  4. AnonymousNovember 12, 2013 at 11:14 PM

    I hope you gave yourself today to do whatever it is you felt and needed yo do. Sweet Jo

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    1. 37paddingtonNovember 13, 2013 at 11:24 AM

      Thank you, Sweet Jo. Truly, I was useless yesterday. I tried to just own it.

      Delete
  5. Candice FrederickNovember 12, 2013 at 11:20 PM

    there's nothing wrong with shutting the mind off sometimes. i find it to be quite healthy actually

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    1. 37paddingtonNovember 13, 2013 at 11:25 AM

      Candice, i know you know the stages of this transition. You're one of my gurus. Love.

      Delete
  6. Steve ReedNovember 13, 2013 at 2:24 AM

    That's a cool photo idea! :)

    All I can say is, day by day. Try to readjust your expectations so that you take enjoyment and satisfaction from small things -- even if it's just vacuuming the house or writing on your blog or walking to the store. When I was "liberated" I tried very hard to stay busy and do SOMETHING each day, and I defined "something" as widely as possible.

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    1. 37paddingtonNovember 13, 2013 at 11:26 AM

      Steve, I don't even know why I took that photo. I think I was trying to get a good photo of that lamp, which my former sister in law, still my sister in spirit, made for me. It's quite beautiful in life. And your comment is so helpful. Again, I know you know, and you made it through with such grace.

      Delete
  7. NOLANovember 13, 2013 at 4:12 AM

    It is more than okay - it is necessary. How can you find your way if you don't take time to stop and learn to read the map?

    P.S. Your children are wonderful adults now. They will always look to you as a role model, but to be honest with them about difficulties is also important. They know you and they know themselves and nothing you do now is bad role modeling unless you try to fake.

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    1. 37paddingtonNovember 13, 2013 at 11:27 AM

      NOLA darling, what you said about my modeling for my kids is really wonderful. And I think absolutely true. Thank you.

      Delete
  8. ShelliNovember 13, 2013 at 8:19 AM

    Trust yourself. Believe that you will instinctively find your way again soon...because you have a bevy of followers who believe you will. :)

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    1. 37paddingtonNovember 13, 2013 at 11:28 AM

      Shelli, welcome friend! I am so glad you're here. Thank you for the good wish and the reminder to trust myself. xo

      Delete
  9. KristinNovember 14, 2013 at 11:51 AM

    Being able to just be is a valuable lesson to teach your children. Learning to take time out and think and see what comes to mind, is a good thing to teach your children.

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    1. 37paddingtonNovember 14, 2013 at 3:58 PM

      Kristin, you are so right in this. I can model faith and trust in myself and that is as valuable. thank you, friend.

      Delete

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