Monday, October 27, 2014


I was quietly an emotional wreck on the weekend, even as I pretended to be the stalwart older cousin, drawing up "to do" lists and helping to plan the services, fielding phone calls from relatives and crowdsourcing finances for the funeral. I love my family. Many members have pledged to pitch in, which eases the burden on my cousin tremendously. She is holding up okay so far. She and her sisters were with us for the weekend. One sister returned home last night as she is in a new job with bosses who are not very understanding. The other sister will stay on for a couple of weeks. She is a social worker and a therapist, this sister. She is kind and funny and wise with a good strong strain of the OCD that runs in the women in our family. At times like this, OCD can be a gift. I am so happy she is here.

My darling daughter was having her own hard day, with so much work, prelims, papers, extracurricular commitments, summer job letters, meetings, group study sessions, plus managing the fallout of recent landlord issues, or rather choosing to put the managing of that on the shelf so she could compartmentalize and do her work. I kept suggesting she make an appointment with the therapist she saw last year, but the counseling center is booked solid and they were going to send her to a therapist in town, which she decided was more stress than it was worth. She said she would just process in her journal instead as she has found that be be very effective therapy. She is truly my child.

She knew I was a bit on the edge, and she sent me a whole bunch of selfies to cheer me up. She knows that seeing her sweet darling face always, always lifts my spirits. She is so sensitive, this child. She has learned that she is a people pleaser, a trait in her for which I blame myself. But knowing the source of a struggle is half the battle. She needs to toughen up, it's true, and yet she is also resilient. Her quick sense of humor and appreciation of the absurd are saving graces, two of many she possesses. And so, after a good cry, she often finds herself having a good laugh. She decided to document the good laugh so I could share in it. My beautiful girl.


  1. What would we do without our daughters to mirror us, to show us our strengths as well as our weaknesses, to show us love because of and despite, to bring such beauty to our lives, such joy to our hearts?

  2. I'm so sorry that you are having to do this again. It seems that you have had to do quite a bit of it lately.

  3. Good night and good lord. She is just so beautiful.

    And I, too, am so sorry about your recent loss. They have been coming at you for quite some time, haven't they? Blessings and ease to you and all of your dear family.