Breathe with unconditional breath
the unconditioned air.
Shun electric wire.
Communicate slowly. Live
a three-dimensional life;
stay away from screens.
Stay away from anything
that obscures the place it is in.
There are no unsacred places;
there are only sacred places
and desecrated places.
Wendell Berry
*
This writing is a hedge against the anxiety that is making it so hard for me to breathe right now. What is anxiety but fear, but of what? That I will fail? That I won't be chosen? That I will be chosen and might disappoint? That I will prove unequal to what is asked of me? None of it is fatal, or even final, and yet I forget to breathe sometimes. Today I'm concentrating on breathing into all the sacred places, consecrating them with my breath, endeavoring, as the lovely Pema Chodron says, "to stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feelings of hopelessness," because "learning not to panic, that is the spiritual path."
Fine tuned folks (you) pick up every nuance, and there are way too many. Overwhelm!! It has been said that folks who feel less- are the happiest people , able to La-la through their days without much reflection or care. I would not like to be one of them. However, tuning in the dial to static or white noise, not in the WHITE noise sense- but the nothing bleah sound sense, can be a reprieve. WHITE white noise in the white folk sense, would only contribute to your anxiety! I use the shower and the air filter device to hummmmm away anxiety, it sometimes works. Study the life of a pebble. LOVE Xx
ReplyDeleteYes. Worthy of unconditional love. Always.
ReplyDeletelearning not to panic! yes. waking up in the middle of the night with no work, no money, and bills, my guard against panic was remembering that it would all look better, less hopeless, in the morning. and it always was. better in the morning. I would tell myself that I can't do anything about it in the middle of the night.
ReplyDeletebut from here your fear seems...unwarranted because you are so good at what you do. and yes, you, we, are still worthy if all we could do was breathe today.
"There are no unsacred places..." breathe deeply and exhale with peace. Every positive thought and good wish is coming to your heart from mine. All will be well, my friend.
ReplyDeleteFor me, learning not to panic, can only be achieved by my relationship with God. Did you know it says "Be not afraid" in the Bible 365 times? The problem is sometimes I don't listen.
ReplyDeleteI think that fear is probably what fuels your writing and spurs you on to keep writing, so maybe it's a good thing. You got this girl.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs and love.
As you know, this is a feeling that I know very well. And it is simply horrible. And I've never been any good at breathing it out. Thinking it out certainly doesn't work. Just living through it is what I've always done. That and medication. Somehow, it eventually passes. I'm so sorry you're experiencing it. I think that Lily Cedar is right- some of us are just too finely tuned into it all.
ReplyDeleteOh honey. Do keep breathing.
I wish I had a word of advice, but the others have said what I would say too. This will pass!
ReplyDeleteIt makes me think of Dory from Finding Nemo - Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
ReplyDeleteKnowing what's going on is the first step. I remember someone telling me along the line, don't forget to watch how you cope, watch yourself being great and remember it.
ReplyDeleteBreathe. just breathe...Hugs!
ReplyDelete