Wednesday, April 20, 2022

A spirit of acceptance

This photo of my girl was circulated at her new job to introduce her to new colleagues. Her start date at the new company is May 2, but she will be able to work remotely from Boston until the end of June, when she and her love will move back to New York City. They found a great apartment in a lively artsy Brooklyn neighborhood dotted with sidewalk cafes and hipster joints like the drag bingo bar where my niece Dani and her friends can be found every Monday night, and where practically all of their closest friends already live within walking distance around them. 

The kitchen renovation is proceeding on schedule, the cabinets are now almost all installed, and tomorrow someone will come to measure the dimensions of the gray quartz countertop, which will take 2-3 days to cut and deliver, which means the counter will be installed by early next week, and the backsplash the same day, with grouting to be done the day after. I continue to be completely unsure about every choice I have made, but however it turns out I have decided to simply be okay with it, because my husband stated very clearly that while he is fine with whatever I decide (except when he isn't, and then he gives his opinion and we make another choice), it will drive him bananas if, after everything is done, I am constantly second guessing the process and moaning that I should have gone with some other decision about a particular detail instead. I say that's fair. And so however the final kitchen turns out, I am resolved to be at peace with it, because it will be a safe, bright, and functional new kitchen and what a privilege to have wished for that and then be able to make it happen.

As for the contractor, I have no complaints. I suspect I might be a difficult client with all my hand wringing and self doubt, but he has been unfailing kind, informative, and accommodating, offering choices until I arrive at one I might be happy with, and never making me feel rushed or bamboozled. I do know that we have different aesthetics—I like warm lighting for example, and he is cool LED lighting all the way; he also likes a few bells, whistles, and flourishes, while I like simplicity and clean lines. And so I have to be my own designer, which is where the self-doubt comes in. I wish I knew how to throw in a dash of art, say in the lighting fixture over the kitchen island. I played with the idea of getting an art glass fixture, but I didn't have the confidence to choose something dramatic and bold, so I went with a simple three bulb cylindrical light with white frosted glass and brushed nickle hardware. My husband, son, and daughter all liked it, and I did too, but it was a moment where I could have gone with drama and flair instead, and I didn't. On the other hand, this apartment was built in the 1950s. It's lines are simple and unadorned, so perhaps a simple unadorned kitchen is a perfectly good canvas for what can come later.

I did get the backsplash I was mulling over in a previous post. I hope it looks as good as the picture. Honestly, I worry that the smaller hex tiles will look too busy, but it's too late now, I've settled on them, and if I find that I don't love them, well, I will keep that to myself. My husband is a patient and easy going man, but one thing that he cannot abide is people getting all worked up about circumstances that are essentially fixed, and not of astronomical importance in the scheme of life anyway. He is philosophical that way. "Done is done," he might say. Another famous one of his lines: "You play the hand you're holding." I guess I'm writing this post as a way to process and practice a spirit of acceptance about the outcome of this kitchen renovation, given that every material choice along the way has been mine. One of my aphorisms? "Live and learn." I am definitely doing a lot of learning. I am also looking forward to purging so much stuff as we set up our new kitchen!


17 comments:

  1. I love your husband's "done is done", agree totally! My husband is opposite and frets over details to the extreme consequently rarely completes a job in good time.

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  2. That kitchen will be wonderful when it's done.

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  3. I'm sure the kitchen will be beautiful. As for the artistic lights, I feel the same way but I also know that it's not really me. I'm much more about utility than artistic. I would love to be a woman who wears layers of beautifully colored clothes and accessories but I am a woman who wears clothes are that are easy to wash and I can't stand accessories on my body, they bother me.

    I'm looking forward to the photos of the completed kitchen.

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  4. I can relate to so much of what you say about decisions with regard to decorating (and the second-guessing that is second nature). I think that simple and clean is an aesthetic all by itself (perhaps because I share that leaning). And maybe if you are looking for an artistic touch, changeable items such as colourful kettle or piece of wall art would scratch that itch. Tired of them in a year or two? Change again :)

    That is a fantastic photo of your daughter! It's great that she can work remotely until their move.

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  5. It looks lovely so far. It's easier to add artwork later than it would be to get tired of a dramatic light and be stuck with it for who knows how long!

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  6. The kitchen is going to look beautiful. You're going to love it!

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  7. First, I have to say again...your daughter is beautiful. If the cabinets are any indication, I think you have done well. If over time you want flair in a light fixture, that's an easy change, so don't worry about it. Find some art you like to add your colorful touches. This kitchen will be wonderful, I am sure.

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  8. It will look so nice and everything will be so clean and organized!
    Hope your daughter loves her new job.

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  9. The photo of your daughter is lovely. You must be looking forward to having her back in Brooklyn. I find you can not go wrong with clean lines and your hex tiles color coordinate very well. Your kitchen will be beautiful. You can add color/bling with art and accessories.

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  10. My mother was excellent at interior design, and she said to me that keep the main items basic and then add colour and style with other things that can be changed over the years. So I went with white kitchen units and have changed other aspects of the kitchen over the years. Love your kitchen so far.

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  11. Ah! I love that backsplash and it will be beautiful. The kitchen will be beautiful. We are embarking on a kitchen remodel this summer and making these decisions feels absolutely overwhelming.

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  12. I understand completely! I get agita just thinking about redesigning or redoing stuff and have always relied on my incredibly talented interior designer mother and my impossibly artsy little sister to make decisions for me. I just can't be trusted to do so myself -- except, of course, for books! I love the sound of your kitchen and can't wait to see how it all looks!

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  13. Once your kitchen is done, you will be hard pressed to remember your "second choice". If the decision between choice A and choice B is so difficult to make, then both would be good options. At least, that was my take on my kitchen reno last fall. (Still love it).

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  14. I still remember, after over 25 years, the absolute angst of choosing finishes for bathroom, kitchen, all that, when we built our house. Luckily, after all this time, most of my choices still content me. And where they do not, it is usually that the item in question was not good enough quality to last.
    And if he is dodging out of the choice maelstrom, you deserve to be comforted if something does not work.
    ps, two of the bad choices we made were, ahem, his.

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  15. I still wish I had made a different choice for the tile in the floor of the very small shower in the very small bathroom. A shower that no one uses but not enough to have my fix-it guy tear it out and put in something new. Not worth the time and money for a shower that I never use. Silly, right? I'm sure you will be happy with your choices whcy it all comes together.

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  16. I think it's natural to second-guess yourself on such a big project, but I think you'll also find that many of the details, in the end, don't matter so much. The cumulative effect will be enough to thrill you!

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  17. Congratulations to your daughter on her new position!!! I hope she has settled in nicely in her new place. The kitchen cabinets look great!

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