Wednesday, November 9, 2011

"I ain't Denzel and this ain't Glory"

I opened my eyes this morning and realized that for the first time in four straight days I was free of pain. No throbbing jaw, migraine head, all over aching weakness. The sun poured in through the bedroom window and it seemed more golden than before, tangible enough to take hold of, and I swung out of bed feeling myself again, free of the dark thoughts I never whisper aloud of what might be happening inside my body. Today, I am good again.

Now, I have to get to the office, after being home for the past two days. Yesterday, the writer for the current issue's cover story was on the phone with me, with just a single day to churn out her piece, and she was overwhelmed, she was in tears, her voice shuddering, and I was flat on my bed, my jaw throbbing, trying to talk her through it, trying to help her find the arc of the story, so she could throw off all the pent up unfairness of it all, and start to write. She filed the story at 2 a.m. this morning, and I have been up since 7 a.m. doing my edit, since the piece is due to ship. The layout isn't even done yet. It's crazy the schedule we're keeping. It's no wonder we get sick. It's no wonder we cry.

But today, I feel healthy and strong. I feel like singing in a shower of sunshine. I proclaim this day newly glorious. As for the title of this post, I don't know why I wrote that and I don't know why I didn't change it given that Denzel's role in the movie Glory has only a glancing connection to this post, something to do with feeling the glory of this day combined with the way we're all being driven at work right now. Something to do with my internal Oh hell no! which I might add is a sign of a right perspective on things. It's not that deep, though. Not at this moment. I feel quite light, in fact. Let's go ship some stories.


    Your Friend, m.
    p.s. It's my favorite song, ever!

  2. Mark, i love that song too! "I can see clearly now" would definitely be a more optimistic title for this post, given the optimistic mood i am in. I just thought the denzel line was kind of funny. someone at my job said it in a very dry tone and it stuck in my mind.

  3. I have suffered with migraines since I was 13. My parents took me everywhere trying to find "a cure" or least relief! The Ann Arbor insitute of Headaches,and The Diamond Headace Clinic in Chicago.
    I have been through oodles of therapies, bio-feedback-you name it!
    About 10 years ago, when Imitrex came out, I finally shouted HOORAY! Something worked.

    I hope you find some relief, friend. I know just how unbearable that head pain is.
    Blessings to you, misha

  4. ha! i think the title means sometimes life is messy, and lie is hard, and it's not always glorious but you get through it. :)

  5. This makes me very, very happy. May the light continue to pour over you.

  6. Misha, i think people who dont know what migraines feel like think we're faking. glad you found some relief. i will keep Imitrex in mind!

    Steph, glad of that!

    Candice, we get through it, don't we. we keep on keeping on. always nice to see you.

    Ms. Moon, i will visualize that wonderful light that comes down through your trees pouring over you too.

  7. I'm so happy to hear this! And I'm wondering whether you've seen your email from me, letting you know that you won the sweepstakes/$100 VISA gift card! Please let me know!

  8. Elizabeth, heading over to check my email now!

  9. I'm so glad you're feeling better. A migraine might just tip me over to insanity at this point in my life. I suffered from them for years when I was younger, and they disappeared as mysteriously as they came. I'll never understand the mysteries of this body.
    Sorry work is so pressure filled for you, but so glad that today is a good day. I'm smiling just thinking of you saying Oh hell no....

  10. What a wonderful post! That phrase about singing "in a shower of sunshine" will linger with me. Stay well!

  11. Mel, thank you, my friend. Oh hell no! has power.

    Glenn, i will stay well, if you promise to also.